Encouragement, Dear Momma

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Mothering.

Its’s one calling that can cause great guilt and insecurity in one fail swoop. 

The one calling that tests every ounce of grit and determination you possess. 

It swells the heart with pride and love until you feel you will burst.

In equal measure, the pain that comes when our children experience the hardest parts of life, settles in and hurts like Hades.

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I have three.  I multiply these raw emotions by three.

I don’t know, but maybe you have found a way to insulate yourself.  Me, not so much.  But, I am learning alongside with my kiddos.  Life throws some pretty big curves, but we are stronger.

Endurance.

That is what we learn.

Last night, I had the joy of listening to my oldest speak to a group of students.  He is passionate about “loving on” people.  That’s his phrase.  It’s a way of life—offering grace and hope to anybody who needs it.  He heads out to his university, grabs coffee and “loves on” students.  He’s built for it.  He’s good at it.  He’s all about it.

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If any person has the right to build up walls and isolate themselves, I guess it would be this kid of mine.  He has stared down some pretty big giants in his life.  This man-child, who is really an adult now—turning 21 very soon, but always my crazy kid—has had enough challenges to last a good while.

But, this only seems to spur him on even more.

Bullied, abused, isolated and rejected.

And all from a Christian community. It’s hard to swallow. It’s tough for a mother to watch. It tears at your insides and makes you angry. Trying to figure out what is it that made him such a target.  I don’t know.  I still don’t have answers, other than, those folks needed help.  He just got in their way.

The last seven years have been full of challenges and victory for him, for us.

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Hurt and healing.

Despair and hope.

But, this young man of mine is a fighter.

He fights for justice with a vigilante spirit.  He’s strong-willed—and thank God for that.  He’s not a lay-down and surrender sort of guy. Which, by the way, made for some unique parenting days!  However, I’m truly grateful for that strong spirit.

Back to last night.

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I watched as he held the attention of each of these junior and senior high schoolers.  He related to them from his heart.  He did what he loves to do the most.  He shared hope with those kids.  He spoke their language.

Sitting there, a realization hit me square on.

This child.

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This one I grieved over and prayed for.

The night after he told us about the abuse, I laid outside his door.  His life, our lives blown apart by another person’s selfishness. The evil that had invaded our home.  It all rolled through my brain as the night lay dark and long.

I was afraidI was afraid this child would not survive this. 

Fear and lies gripped me and laid hold of my heart.  I was afraid to leave him alone.  And to my eyes, he seemed wounded and shattered beyond repair.

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But, we did what we do best.

We rallied and fought…together.

Prayer and help and love and care.

We all worked together.  This family of mine.  God did what he does best.  He restores.  He isn’t the God of a half-baked job.

NO.

He is the God of the very best order.

No slipshod or faulty duct tape fixes here. 

He is the very best at total healing and complete restoration. I wouldn’t leave that to just anybody!

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So, sitting there, it occurred to me there might be other Mommas whose hearts feel  broken beyond repair and hopelessness has set in.  Something about this child of yours—this love wrapped up in skin.  Your heart is beating to the rhythm of their hurt.

This is for you, my friend.

Life isn’t easy.  Life isn’t fair.  Bad things happen—to the ones we love the most. 

Sometimes the very worst.

Or sometimes, they struggle, but can’t seem to find the right paths, no matter where they look.

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They are looking in the wrong places.  Maybe they don’t like the answers you’ve been giving. It doesn’t really matter where the pain is coming from.

If there is pain, our hearts break.

Perhaps you can’t even see the light with this one. 

You would just like a tiny spark of hope. 

Let this be that. 

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Know that God is good at what he does.  We don’t have to be him.  He’s got it.

Rest that child in his care, and take a rest, yourself. 

This is a weight too heavy to carry on your own.

If we love our children this much then how much more must God love them?

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Take hope from my broken and busted heart for my shattered child.  I had a drop of faith to believe God could do something.

That is all it takes, dear Momma.

He knows the beautiful soul of your child and all he was created to do and be.  God is big enough to restore it to completeness.  Nothing missing, nothing broken.  I held onto that for dear life! And I witnessed it in action just last night.

Why don’t you, too?

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Lessons Learned Along the Way

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Have you ever wanted a do-over? 

Maybe you think pushing a reset button would be a great idea!

Perhaps you aren’t happy with how life has turned out.  Maybe you feel disappointed.  Especially when you look at how time has passed and the days ahead don’t ring with anticipation.

Perhaps it’s your current job or friend circle that needs an overhaul…”show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” as the saying goes.

Or, maybe you see pruning or growth in your family that needs to be made.

I think this is normal.  I think life would be boring if we were never challenged to come up higher.

It’s time.

It’s time to make the changes.

Really, who wants to live frustrated for the next few years?

If you don’t make the necessary changes, you will be at this same spot this time next year!

Think about that.

Selah.

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Life is precious.  What are you going to do with this one, wild journey?

It doesn’t always require drastic changes.  Often times strategic tweaking can do the trick.  Interestingly enough, we already hold the keys to the changes we need.

All it takes is some old-fashioned courage and grit.

Change doesn’t come easily and it always comes with a price.  But, if the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of change, this is your moment!

Now, I realize change for some can come unexpectedly and may even be un-wanted.  But, instead of fighting it, how about embracing it?  My family is in the middle of the biggest life change since our early years. My goodness, this is life altering!

But, it is exhilarating!

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Here are five lessons I am learning as we journey through our transition.  I think they will help you as you reach forward.

Not everyone can make the journey with you.  And, that is okay.  And, you will be okay.  Let them go.  It hurts like heck, but, if you allow him to, God will help and heal.  If you can avoid burning bridges, I’d advise that.  But, sometimes, that can’t be helped either.  Just go in peace and forgive.  Live for the long-game.

Realize the past is a beautiful teacher.  Sometimes, it’s tempting to hate the past and the hurt that has come with it.  Even to the point of questioning the purpose of it all.  If there is pain involved, bitterness will set in.  Fight that! Fight it with all you have.  Remember the good and learn from the difficult.  Everything can be a teacher…if we let it.  Keep in mind the past is what is propelling you into this new era of change.

Change is good.  If everything stayed the same, we wouldn’t grow and become all we are destined to become.  Go with the flow.  Seek God on how he would have you respond to this change.  He gives only good gifts.  Remember the wonderful verse of Jeremiah 29:11.  God has great plans for your life.  Immerse yourself in the knowledge of this and be filled with gratitude.

Move forward in grace.  God will walk with you into this new place.  He has already gone before you.  If you are losing something, he will restore it in his beautiful way.  Take the grace you are carrying with you and share it with others.  People need to see your light and courage.  You in turn will inspire and encourage others.  Forgive what needs to be forgiven.  Release those that need released.  Bless those that need blessing.  Offer grace freely.

Stay in sync with God.  Change can be a confidence buster at times.  People around you may question your sanity or even try to sabotage your forward motion.  Keep closely tied to the One who loves you more than anybody else.  The One who knows your future days and works for your good.  Not everyone does.  That’s okay.  But, God is on your side.  He believes in you.

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We are well on our way to a beautiful new season.

I’m working to remember these hard-learned lessons and shepherd my Loves in this as well.  The change has been challenging, but honestly, I haven’t been happier!  I know God is with us.  My children are thriving.  We have more peace.  We don’t know how it will all look, but God is good.  He only ever has our very best in mind.  I look and see he has been behind us and is already ahead of us.

Take a deep breath. 

You know what needs to change. 

Inhale grace and walk in gratitude. 

Take the best first step and the next step after that.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is press the reset button.

You got this!

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