Encouragement, Dear Momma

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Mothering.

Its’s one calling that can cause great guilt and insecurity in one fail swoop. 

The one calling that tests every ounce of grit and determination you possess. 

It swells the heart with pride and love until you feel you will burst.

In equal measure, the pain that comes when our children experience the hardest parts of life, settles in and hurts like Hades.

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I have three.  I multiply these raw emotions by three.

I don’t know, but maybe you have found a way to insulate yourself.  Me, not so much.  But, I am learning alongside with my kiddos.  Life throws some pretty big curves, but we are stronger.

Endurance.

That is what we learn.

Last night, I had the joy of listening to my oldest speak to a group of students.  He is passionate about “loving on” people.  That’s his phrase.  It’s a way of life—offering grace and hope to anybody who needs it.  He heads out to his university, grabs coffee and “loves on” students.  He’s built for it.  He’s good at it.  He’s all about it.

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If any person has the right to build up walls and isolate themselves, I guess it would be this kid of mine.  He has stared down some pretty big giants in his life.  This man-child, who is really an adult now—turning 21 very soon, but always my crazy kid—has had enough challenges to last a good while.

But, this only seems to spur him on even more.

Bullied, abused, isolated and rejected.

And all from a Christian community. It’s hard to swallow. It’s tough for a mother to watch. It tears at your insides and makes you angry. Trying to figure out what is it that made him such a target.  I don’t know.  I still don’t have answers, other than, those folks needed help.  He just got in their way.

The last seven years have been full of challenges and victory for him, for us.

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Hurt and healing.

Despair and hope.

But, this young man of mine is a fighter.

He fights for justice with a vigilante spirit.  He’s strong-willed—and thank God for that.  He’s not a lay-down and surrender sort of guy. Which, by the way, made for some unique parenting days!  However, I’m truly grateful for that strong spirit.

Back to last night.

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I watched as he held the attention of each of these junior and senior high schoolers.  He related to them from his heart.  He did what he loves to do the most.  He shared hope with those kids.  He spoke their language.

Sitting there, a realization hit me square on.

This child.

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This one I grieved over and prayed for.

The night after he told us about the abuse, I laid outside his door.  His life, our lives blown apart by another person’s selfishness. The evil that had invaded our home.  It all rolled through my brain as the night lay dark and long.

I was afraidI was afraid this child would not survive this. 

Fear and lies gripped me and laid hold of my heart.  I was afraid to leave him alone.  And to my eyes, he seemed wounded and shattered beyond repair.

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But, we did what we do best.

We rallied and fought…together.

Prayer and help and love and care.

We all worked together.  This family of mine.  God did what he does best.  He restores.  He isn’t the God of a half-baked job.

NO.

He is the God of the very best order.

No slipshod or faulty duct tape fixes here. 

He is the very best at total healing and complete restoration. I wouldn’t leave that to just anybody!

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So, sitting there, it occurred to me there might be other Mommas whose hearts feel  broken beyond repair and hopelessness has set in.  Something about this child of yours—this love wrapped up in skin.  Your heart is beating to the rhythm of their hurt.

This is for you, my friend.

Life isn’t easy.  Life isn’t fair.  Bad things happen—to the ones we love the most. 

Sometimes the very worst.

Or sometimes, they struggle, but can’t seem to find the right paths, no matter where they look.

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They are looking in the wrong places.  Maybe they don’t like the answers you’ve been giving. It doesn’t really matter where the pain is coming from.

If there is pain, our hearts break.

Perhaps you can’t even see the light with this one. 

You would just like a tiny spark of hope. 

Let this be that. 

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Know that God is good at what he does.  We don’t have to be him.  He’s got it.

Rest that child in his care, and take a rest, yourself. 

This is a weight too heavy to carry on your own.

If we love our children this much then how much more must God love them?

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Take hope from my broken and busted heart for my shattered child.  I had a drop of faith to believe God could do something.

That is all it takes, dear Momma.

He knows the beautiful soul of your child and all he was created to do and be.  God is big enough to restore it to completeness.  Nothing missing, nothing broken.  I held onto that for dear life! And I witnessed it in action just last night.

Why don’t you, too?

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Gifts in Odd Little Packages

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Rainy days.

Following God.

Trusting Him.

Relying on Him.

Depending on Him.

Sometimes the answers don’t come in the way you expect.  Sometimes the answers are not sounding like what you had in mind.  Sometimes the gifts are wrapped in odd looking packages.  They even come a little banged up and looking a little worse for wear.

Some days come with the rain drops and grey skies.  Some come full of sunshine and gentle breezes.

As a mom, I would give anything for the gifts to always be sunny and blue-sky filled.  What do you do when the answers and the gifts look anything but that?

Needles and IVs and tubes and wires and beeps and clicks. Hospital beds and quiet rooms.  Where is the hope in this and where is the joy in the promises?

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Teaching your children that some things don’t look or sound like good gifts, but indeed they are.  That’s the starting place.

How I wish our gifts and answers didn’t require doctor visits and hospital visits and infusions.  Yet, here we are.  Good people given to administer health and care to hurting and tired bodies.

That’s a gift.

Compassionate hands and tender souls working to understand the pain and do something, anything to make it better.  God knows.

I could let myself run free down the highway of fear and burden and disappointment.  A young body feeling older that it should and hurting more than seems fair.

 But, let’s point to God.

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Yesterday, I realized I had lost some very important birthday cards I had bought a few days earlier for two special little people.

I could not for the life of me figure out where I had put them.  All I know is we have had some crazy-wild wind blowing through and everything felt like it would blow away if it wasn’t bolted down.  A neighbor I didn’t even know met me at the driveway, said she found some cards in a sack blowing around the empty lot….were they mine?  She thought maybe they would be.  Yes, yes they are.

This is such a funny, cool story to me. 

No, they weren’t priceless and irreplaceable.  Just a couple of birthday cards for some cuties.  But, I was perplexed at their loss and just moments before had searched the car for them.  She dropped them by, all fine and good and undamaged, although they had taken quite a ride on the wind.

This made me laugh!

Somewhere between being unloaded from the car and before making it inside the house they were whirled away for the ride of their short, recycled-paper life.  Soon to be picked up and rescued by friendly neighbors.

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Now.

This is not meant to be some overly-spiritual analogy or goose-bump-filled story.

It was just a gentle reminder whispered to me in that moment.  As silly as a couple of cards are, and seemingly insignificant in the whole scheme of things, they were needed.  I realized that if God can help me get my missing cards back, He can answer anything and be everything I need him to be.

Please don’t roll your eyes and exit out of this post!  It’ll be worth it, I promise!

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Here’s the deal. 

We are well on our way into a new adventure.

Currently, no job.  

The Husband is wrapping up law school with graduation in May. 

Without a job, there is no insurance and no income. 

Fortunately, our insurance is extended into the summer.  But, if I’m not careful, I begin to ask what about after that? 

No insurance–how do I make sure my Love receives the best gift in medicine he can? 

It can cause a Momma’s heart to fret. But, not to worry. 

These last few months, God has been busy showing me in various ways He has a plan.  He had a plan before we knew we even needed the plan.  What men intend for negative, God turns for good, in the lives of those who follow Him.  We can ride that all the way home!

God is helping me understand His shoulders are broader and His arms are stronger than my cares.  He loves me. He loves my children. He loves my family more than I can ever fully understand.  He knows our need. 

He has the plan. 

In fact, He only does things really well, and works to bring all things together in perfect order, in just the right timing.  And, further, He knows what we will be needing BEFORE we even know we have need—long before we are in need.  

So, with our future unknown to us (but NOT unknown to God),  I sit here in this special unit of the children’s hospital watching my child being infused with a medical gift.  This will be a regular occurrence for the foreseeable future.  No, I wish this was not part of his journey.  Surely, to never have this need in the first place would be an amazing gift. But, God’s divine plan is better.

And, I will trust.

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This man-size boy just trying to live life to the fullest.

Following his passions…running bases and hitting balls, making music and loving his family. God has a beautiful plan.  Even in this imperfect story, God is weaving great gifts and miracles into the fabric of who this man-child is.

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 I am thankful for the gifts God gives and the hope and peace that lies right within reach. 

I only need to focus on the promise of Him never leaving or forsaking. 

So, whether they are little paper-reminders of God’s awareness or flesh on hands or the beeping and clicking of monitors, I choose to see these as extravagant gifts He gives.

My hope is built on nothing less than Christ and His love for me and mine.

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Raise Them Strong

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The other day my youngest and I were out and about with friends and headed to the zoo.  I’m not sure what the girls were even talking about.  But you know tweens. They talk, laugh, and giggle at just about anything and everything.

We were headed down the interstate and I hear mine say,

“Life is severe!”

I can’t remember anything else she said after that.  That got my attention.

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She’s 12.  And, life has proven to be severe for her.  Now, in all good perspective, I understand we aren’t sitting in a cancer ward, or at a funeral home, or living in a war-torn village.  All things considered, it is an overall blessed life.  But, for her, it has had some challenges.

She has had to walk away from a community that she has known since she was four-years-old without barely a goodbye.  This was where she realized her passions and had some dear and strong friendships.  This community had become incredibly personal to her and the center of much of her life.  Her father’s job was over and she was soon cut off from many she considered family. Her world was turned upside down over night and a once safe place, was no longer safe.

She has faced anxiety about her future and the loss of the only world she really knew.    Unfortunately, she has learned tough lessons on rejection and betrayal, grief and loss.

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I’ve been thinking about my children and how, as a parent, I have gifts I need to give them.  After some of the things we have been through lately, resilience is one of the very best I can give.

It’s not something I can bestow upon their heads by tapping a diamond encrusted wand and sprinkling some pixie dust.  Now, wouldn’t that be a trick!  So much cooler…and easier!  But, alas, this gift doesn’t come that way.  But, its value almost can not be measured.

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“Life can be severe, but you will make it!  You will be just fine.”

One of the worst things I can do is kill myself making everything work out exactly so to my children’s specifications and requests.  Because, life happens.  Jobs change, you don’t always make the team, the doctor’s report comes back ugly and scary, you aren’t always the chosen favorite, and sometimes people walk away.

As a young adult, I  had my first taste of hardship.  No matter how hard we tried, things didn’t seem to go our way.  Instead of the Midas touch of gold we had the leaden touch.  It was quite a rude awakening.  Up to that point, we had enjoyed lots of success in college and things ran quite smoothly.

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I know there are many who learn hard lessons way too early.  Much earlier than anyone would ever wish.  But, I grew up in an upper middle class, church attending, two-parent household, with a younger brother, a dog, and a cat.  Everything, pretty much, except the picket fence.

So, you can imagine my shock and fear when I was faced with significant hardship for the first time.  I was a young married pastor’s wife starting a church from scratch.  It was tough.  We barely made enough to live, much less bring another human into the world.  Yet, we did.

It wasn’t an easy path.  Fast forward 15 years and unknown to us, a whole new level of hard was stretching out ahead of us.  Yet, this time, we had three very impressionable, young humans in tow.

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When they were younger, we could protect and shield them from much of it.  But, now, not so much.  They are smart and perceptive.

I get discouraged when I begin to think through questions that rattle through my brain.  I feel a panic that threatens to scorch my heart.

Why do my kids have to experience such things?  

Why do they have to experience loss, rejection and betrayal?

So many things I didn’t have to experience until adulthood.  

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But, here is the next question.

Why not?

Self pity rises up and threatens to suck the life and light out of everything if we don’t ask this simple question.

Why not? 

Who are we to expect to escape hardship?

Seriously.  Jesus said we would have trouble, but to take heart, because we can overcome because of Him.

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So, as unpleasant as it is, we have to face the truth.  We are not exempt.  Our great hope comes, however, from our great source.  We live in this fallen world.  But, we are journeying towards the other side.  Bumps, bruises, scars and all.  We are stronger, smarter, wiser, tougher and more resilient than ever.  We have a story to tell.

A story of a God who walked through the desperate darkness with us.  Church hurt is excruciating.  Being wounded in the house of our friends is a tough pain to swallow.  As, a mom, I would give anything to protect my children.

There is much we can shield them from, but you can’t shield them from life.  

If we want to raise strong, emotionally healthy adults, we teach them how to walk through pain and disappointment.  It is better to learn how to be strong and resilient early in life.  You are then equipped to walk this life out with grace.  These aren’t lessons merely talked about, but lived out day by day.

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I have met some of the most open, grace-filled, and loving people in the last few weeks.  They are becoming our new community.  These people have been through about as much as we have—maybe more.  But, they are good, kind, big-hearted people.  They know what it means to travel through the hard, dark places and come out stronger on the other side.

That’s what I want to be.  And that is what I want my children to see.

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Life is Beautiful!

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During these last few months, I have been on quite a learning curve.  If I’m honest, I have to say I recommend a mid-life plot twist and I don’t!  It’ll be the ride of your life!

But, really.

Just imagine going back to graduation—high school or college—just as a young whipper snapper.  With all sorts of possibilities and the world as your oyster, you look with anticipation toward all your options.  That is where we are.  And it is breathtakingly beautiful and scary–all at the same time!

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I remember a couple of years back being envious of my oldest as he was setting off for his first year at university.  So much youthful excitement and a no holds barred approach–I was envious. 

I was so excited for him and all the unscripted future had for him.  I remembered what it was like to have your whole life ahead of you.  So much hope and promise.  So much anticipation to follow new paths and dreams!

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And, now, here I am.  I am ready.

I have spent 25 years of ministry serving as a pastor’s wife.  I use to tell my Love, I love being his wife, no doubt about that.   Just maybe not a “pastor’s wife” sometimes.  I learned much and gave everything I had.  The role comes with difficult tasks.  With some cool opportunities and blessings thrown in along the way, too.  Now, though, I am ready to do new things…serve in a different way.

Our new beginning is before us.

Given to us as a gift.

Staring into the sunshine, the road is wide open in front of us.

Only this time I have three world-changers in tow.  This road we chose over 25 years ago, has presented them with many unique challenges and opportunities.  Each child has processed and walked them out differently.

As I sit and look at the bright and shining future, we have these amazing kids to guide and shepherd.  This time around, it is not a solitary journey or private decision to be made.  Change is hard for even the strongest of us. I have no doubt God has a beautiful future for each in my tribe.  We just have to guide them into this bright new future.

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Shepherding.

That was the word God gave me for this season with my babies (they will always be my babies.  can we just agree to let me call them that?  just humor me!)  Even with all the excitement of a bright future the transitioning has been challenging.  More so for some than others.  Loss is hard.  But God is greater.

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My Love and I must shepherd our children well through this transition.

 We have a responsibility to guide our children through the shadows.  Through the tears.  The goal is to get EVERYONE to the other side.  I told my youngest Little,

“In this family, we are all for one, and one for all”.

We stop and sit with, pick up and carry, hold the hand, give love and receive love.  We shepherd our children through the pain of rejection, loss, betrayal, and disappointment.

No one will be left behind.

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I have always hated the pre-flight airline spiel about putting your own mask on first and then your children’s.  I understand the logic and know it is best.  But, my overly compassionate self screams, “I will put their’s on first, thank you very much!” But, that doesn’t really make sense, does it?

So, I have decided I am in a similar spot in my life.  It is time for me to get my oxygen mask on first and then I can administer life breath to them.

These world-changers deserve the very best I can give them.

There is wisdom to give and hope to share.  There are dreams to help them dream.  There is a future brighter than anything of the past.  Even with all the beauty we did experience, there is more to be had.

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I need something to give to them.  So, here is what I am going to do to strengthen myself.

  • Exercise and build physical strength. 
  • Write…which is following my own dream.
  • Give creative Bible journaling a try.
  • Attend weekly worship at a safe and loving church.
  • Read for enjoyment and growth.
  • Stay accountable to wisdom.

There it is.

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I have been busy working hard to keep my family between the ditches…putting out fires, battling fears and wiping tears.  Because, sometimes life just hurts.  All of that is incredibly important.

But, now it is time for me to get out of that defensive position and into the intentional, offensive position.

Now, here is the next important piece of the puzzle.

My Love is leading spiritually intentional and strategic discussions during dinner on Wednesday evenings. 

With a preteen and a teenager in the house, it can’t get too serious or stifling.  But, God gave this idea as the perfect way for us to shepherded them.  Like most moms, I do much of the crisis management throughout the days; one of Dad’s roles is to give purposeful direction.  They need his voice and strength cloaked in velvet.

 We will not allow the negative to win.  We will not leave anyone behind.  We have bright future days.  I will not live on the defensive, but work from a place of intention and strength.  For what the enemy means for destruction, God transforms into beauty.  He will shepherd us.  We only need to cooperate.

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Turning 20

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He just turned 20.  How do these things happen?  He was 2, I blinked, and now he is 20.  Good grief.

I think I should receive gifts on my kids’ birthdays!  I think you should, too!  Why not, I ask?  We’ve done all the work.  Kids…they just live.  We keep them alive.  We work hard to keep them from bodily harm and get them to adulthood!  There’s teaching and training and sleepless nights.  There is sacrifice and tears.

Think of the embarrassment.  Just when they are supposed to mind their manners they bust out some tightly lipped family secret.  Some folks know just the right questions to ask and these kids fold!

Oh, the rigors of mothering!

We’ve been pooped on and thrown up on.  If you’re like me, you got really good at catching vomit.  Yep, right here in these two hands.  We’ve been stretched—figuratively and literally.  For many of us, our bodies will NEVER be the same.   Let’s not even talk about the checkbook.

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But, oh, the joys of mothering!

The sloppy, jelly kisses.  The tiny hugs as powerful as any bear hug.  The “I love you’s” and “thank you, mommy’s.”  Or maybe the snuggles and warm bodies tucked up next to you during a midnight storm.  Perhaps it’s the saving of the day or heroic chocolate chip cookies after a wrecked bike or hurt heart.  The paper hearts and handmade gifts.  These are the treasures of motherhood.  I have crates full of my children’s childhoods.

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So many snapshots and memories rest in my heart.  My heart is intrinsically intertwined with my children’s hearts.  How can a mother’s heart be anything but?  Our happiness is hopelessly linked with our children’s happiness.  We are only as happy as our saddest child.  We long for their joy and peace in this life.  We see in them what they sometimes can’t see in themselves.  We believe the world is at their hands.

They look to us to guide them and see them through.  They need us to ride the waves with them and stay steady.  Ready to call them down from the edge.  They want us to be there and hear their hearts.  So many late night chats when hearts are open and walls are down.  So much 24 hours a day being on the ready…on call.

Here are some things I’ve learned with 20 years of parenting on the books:

  • This is a tough job with wonderful rewards.
  • Of all the things I do, almost nothing is more important than mothering.
  • I am investing in the future as I mother.  I am lengthening my life through their’s.
  • It matters how I parent when they are little.  It matters how I parent when they are bigger.
  • They are important, but my marriage and relationship with their Dad is even more important.
  • I may not be able to do everything I want to do right now, but this is a season.  Someday, I will.
  • After they have grown, they need a coach.  I am still making an impact. 
  • As the parent of a Big, it’s my responsibility to keep the relationship open, alive and healthy.

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He is my firstborn.  He was the guinea pig.

He deserves a gold star for surviving the young, inexperienced, often irrational parenting skills I was working with.  I apologized for said craziness as he graduated from high school.  He laughed.  He has great memories.  He doesn’t remember all the mistakes I have cataloged in my brain.  He knows I’m human and make mistakes.

He laughs as he clearly remembers the crossing over to this realization moment all too well.  The one where our kids realize we are not Perfect.  We laugh.  Apologies and “I love you” go a long way to righting the mistakes and healing the hurts.  We work hard to do the best we can with what we have at the time.  Life together is a beautiful ride.

If there is one thing I can look back and see, it is this.

As we take the imperfectness of our human parenting and pair it with the perfectness of God, we can lay our children in His hands and trust for the very best outcome.  No, it won’t always look clean and pretty.  And, there will probably even be some stink.  But inviting God into our parenting journey ensures spiritual consequences we could never create on our own.

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Further, not being a perfect parent, requires our full trust in God.  I’m not sure how parents do this thing without God.  I have to rely on Him to lead the way with each beautifully unique child.  There is no other way to go.  That’s a risk I’m not willing to take.  My shortcomings are miraculously shored up by the One who leads the way.

So, maybe you are still on the upswing with Littles hanging on to your legs.  The days are too long and your energy is running short.  A break would be good right about now.  I hear ya!

Just know, it matters.  It matters a lot.  And, when you get 20 years out from now, your heart will know it for sure, too.  It’s amazing what being on the flip side, at least with one child, will do for perspective.  And, thankfully, I can say I don’t really have too many regrets….other than the insanity that may have taken over from time to time.  But, hey, none of us is perfect….right?  As my father used to say, “It builds character!”

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Disappointment

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Disappointment.

Who isn’t familiar with it?  It’s a part of life.

Walking through disappointment with kids will wrench your gut and wring you out.  As a mom, I know life happens.  There is no way to protect them from disappointment and do them justice.  In those hard moments, there is so much wisdom to be poured into these sensitive hearts.

I really love those moments of teaching our young ones to process pain and disappointment in a healthy way.  I certainly don’t love the circumstances that bring the pain, though.  But, what shallow and weak human beings they will be if I don’t shepherd them through their difficulties.

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Today was such a day.  Another disappointing report crushed a young heart.  I could see it–a beautiful face fighting hard to hold back the tears.  A heart full of dreams and faith.  Lots of believing and praying childlike prayers.  It was in that moment I had to close my mouth and say a prayer.  I prayed for the right words to ignite a fire of faith.  My first thought was, “Lord, what do I say to another disappointing report?  What are you going to do about this?”

I know all too well these times come.  We don’t hear the answer we want to hear, we are passed by for what we deserve, people don’t live up to our expectations and wound us, or there is another delay in our answer.  And, we ask, “What am I supposed to do about this?  Where are you, God?”

Here are 3 thoughts to help us through these moments:

  • God sees and knows.
  • He never leaves us or forsakes us.
  • God works all things out for our good.

I absolutely believe God sees and knows all that is going on in our lives.  I know He never leaves us or forsakes us.  I know for a fact He works all things out for our good.  I know these three things to be true in my life.

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We have walked through some incredibly severe and trying situations as a family and I remember sensing God speak to me that He had seen it all and knows it all.  What a comfort that was to me!  Just hearing that affirmation of love still brings hope to my heart.  You know what that means?  He had never left me and He truly understands my pain like no other.  He would vindicate and heal the wounds in His good time.

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I told my disappointed one yesterday that God does not always answer in the fashion in which we envision in our minds.  Our small box of plans can’t even begin to hold the answer He has for our situations.  And further, if our disappointment and need hasn’t been answered just yet and we’re still breathing, then the answer is still on the way!

Big lessons for a young one.  Better to learn and solidify your faith at a young age and know for yourself this great big God of the universe than have to wait until your older and have no clue who He is!  Yes, I would love for this life to be smoother sailing, with more positive reports, but, I know He is with us even in those moments.

He is walking through it all with us.

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By the way, lots of love and hugs help, too!  God isn’t shocked or offended by our pain and questions.  Take some time to grieve and process the loss or disappointment.  Talk it out and then move forward.  By the end, a little ice cream hit the spot!  There are no callous “stop crying and suck it up” talks in this house.  But, we are learning to not wallow in our pain.  Eventually, we were able to laugh a little and hug it out!

So, what disappointment have you swallowed lately?  It is sure to come.  But, you can stand strong when you remember this:  He sees and knows; He certainly hasn’t left me;  And, I know good is on the way—it may not look exactly how I planned, but His perfect plan is at work in my life.

Hey….maybe you should even have a little mint chocolate chip ice cream to top it off!

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Sweet, Simple Life

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I am thankful for the small graces in my every day.

Sometimes, it seems as if a whole host of things can go wrong at the same time.  You know, you’ve had it happen to you.   You’re busy running around marking off your to-do list, trying to go out of town and the lawnmower and trimmer break down and the yard police are watching.  The equipment is new, mind you!  Or maybe your child (or as they blame the sibling) has lost their phone.  Thorough searching has gone on without success, but it is imperative for the child to have one, since they are going on a trip without you.  So, the race is on to find a replacement that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. (Because, of course, the child is not due for an upgrade.)

Sometimes, there is just so much to do.  Just do the normal day to day responsibilities, but throw in some hiccups and you feel up to your eyeballs trying to squeeze it all in.  But, I’m thankful.

I’ll be candid with you.  I deal with some anxiety issues.  I’m well aware of what it feels like for me and some of my triggers.  So, today, amid all the running and preparing for the five of us to travel, and make sure our four-legged fur baby is taken care of, I was feeling the effects of anxiety.  I usually call my husband and clue him in on my anxiety.  Instead of trying to ignore it, hoping it will go away, I recognize it at the start and have learned to handle it head on, right at the beginning.  I knew he would pray for me.

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I also had to remind myself that this life is beautiful.  While the responsibilities sometimes feel overwhelming, compared to what others are facing, this is simply life.  One important lesson I learned in counseling is to learn the difference between a crisis and everyday glitches in life.

Broken lawnmowers and lost phones aren’t crises, just life to be managed.  I’m blessed to have a family of my own to care for and nurture.  I remind myself these days are truly short.  While I taxi and run errands, I am caring for my family.  All of this is life.  Beautiful life.

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It takes careful mindfulness to control our thoughts and harness them for power.  I’m learning to not spin into sidewise energy, by not focusing on the glitches and hiccups along the way.  Yikes!  I am not always so good, so I am talking to me today, too.  But, amid the shopping and working through my list of to-do’s, my anxiety disappeared.  (I also think my Honey’s prayers made a difference, too.)  About an hour later, my husband called to check in on me, and I realized my anxiety was gone.  I didn’t let it derail me or steal my joy.

Here are a few ideas for dealing with anxiety:

  1. Stop and look for the source of the anxiety.  See if there is any merit to it. 
  2. Invite someone you trust into your moment.
  3. Pray.
  4. Remind yourself to slow down and enjoy the process.
  5. Be mindful of your thoughts and words.

Life runs at breakneck speeds and sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that all is well.  Remember what is truly a crisis and what is an annoyance or mere, every day stuff.  This is what life is about.  It isn’t all the big, splashy moments.  Most of our days are made up of ordinary life stuff.

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I am learning to appreciate the simpleness of everyday living.   At this point in my life, I am thankful to  just live normal, everyday life.  It is beautiful–complete with bumps and hiccups.  Finding beauty in the simple, and even in the middle of challenging annoyances, is the key to living more fully and peacefully in the everyday.

 

 

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Who Do You Trust?

 

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I can remember sitting on the edge of the bed with each of my children.  Or sometimes it was sitting with them curled up next to me on the sofa.  We were having one of our many heart to heart talks.  To me, those are some of my most treasured moments.  As they poured out their concerns or dreams from their tender hearts, I intently listened.  Sometimes, I didn’t have an answer; lots of times I did.  The one thing I remember teaching them is this,

“If it matters to you then it matters to God.”

Sometimes, their concern was over a lost toy or an unfortunate situation.  Other times, their concern was the bigger-than-life dreams they were dreaming.  Either way, I often brought them back to this one thought.

If it matters to you then it matters to God.

In this life we need hope.  Not a misguided and misplaced hope, but a hope rooted in the strength and care of God.  This isn’t a false hope.  It was never promised that God was our genie in a bottle looking to grant every wish.  They understood that.  We might not get the response we want, but God gives the very best He knows we need.

God looks at our hearts with care.  He sees all the things in future days we can not see.  He sees where our choices lead.  He knows what we need.  But, the really cool thing is God cares about the things we care about.  He created us and knows us.

This is a great comfort for my soul.  Our desires are not petty or insignificant. In fact, if He knew us before we were ever in our mother’s womb, wouldn’t that include what our desires and interests would be?  We are not created out of chance.

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This thought always seemed to comfort my children.  And, in the the process, I was aiming for a deep heart connection with the One who created them.  I know they take this thought with them even now.  Now, they are older.  The stakes are quite a bit higher.  Just the other day my oldest needed a reminder.  I think we all need to be reminded at points along the journey.  When the cost is higher or the dream is bigger and when we aren’t talking about lost childhood trinkets, we need to remember.  Now, we are talking about which paths to walk, which choices to make, which dreams to dream.  Or, maybe it is about provision in the real world—having real needs in this real world.  But, perhaps, it is something you think is small and insignificant, and doesn’t even warrant an audience with God.

If it matters to you then it matters to God.

Fear need not rule the day.  Our Father hears and knows.  He’s got us.  Who do you trust?  I mean, REALLY trust.  Are you trusting in yourself to get things done and to make it happen?  Do you have dreams and desires and believe you are the only one to get it done?  Maybe that is your life track record–“If it is to be then it’s up to me!”  No one ever sat with you and really listened to what was burdening your soul.  Well, I’m here today to tell you it matters.  It all matters.

Does it matter to you?  Then it matters to God. 

He’s not a magic genie looking to grant you three wishes.  But, He does care about what keeps you up at night and aches in your heart.  Trusting only in ourselves leads to a weary and worn soul.

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Things haven’t turned out quite how you wanted?  Things don’t really look like what you dreamed of in your heart?  He cares.  And, what’s even best, He sees the right answer for every situation.  Scripture teaches us to cast our burden on Him because He cares for us.  I’m amazed at all of the times God has revealed Himself to my children.  Children.  He has proven Himself over and over to them.  And, even though they are children, they have experienced some tough stuff.  And so, they are learning He can be trusted.

You may not be a child anymore, but He is waiting to listen.  If He will reveal Himself to a child, He will reveal Himself to you.  What is it that matters to you?  What is aching in your soul?

 If it matters to you then it matters to Him!

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No Weak-Kneed Parenting

 

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Good parenting is a lot like this tree.

This tree is The Founders Tree in Landa Park, in New Braunfels, Texas.  I grew up with this tree. This beautiful statue of strength dates back to around 1700.  That tree has weathered a lot of storms and droughts!  This old Live Oak is considered an Indian Marker Tree—a tree that was tied sideways in order to point to a favorable water source.  The Founders Tree is thought of as the mightiest tree in Texas.  Actually, this scenic park is full of many beautiful trees.  Your just not a self-respecting park if you don’t have beautiful, magnificent trees!

I was mesmerized by this tree growing up.  It sparked my imagination and wonderings.  In some ways it felt sacred.  What had this tree witnessed or who first saw this tree?  Maybe travelers had found shade and rest by this tree.  Its size and age alone inspired awe.  I knew of no other tree like this one.

You may think I have lost it.  You aren’t really seeing the connection between a tree and parenting.  I think there is.

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Parenting is not for cowards!

This tree is strong and resilient.  It wasn’t blown away by some gust of wind.  When we parent, we must be just like this tree—strong and resilient.  Our kids are gonna wear us down.  You may feel like you have been chewed up and spit out before the first bowl of cereal is poured and the first cartoon is played!  Or, maybe they are older and know just the right buttons to push.

My least favorite thing is to be greeted at first light of the morning with a sibling squabble or a grumpy kid.  It can set my day off wrong before my feet ever hit the floor.  But, I have to remember my purpose.  My purpose is to parent them and set the tone.  It takes personal strength and hutzpah!

They need us to be strong.  They need to be able to count on us to set strong, protective boundaries.  They may not be your friend, but that’s ok.  They need a parent more than a friend.

 

Parenting is an endurance race!

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This tree has been here a really long time!  Really–1700.  It didn’t let the all-too-familiar droughts shrivel it up.  It has weathered storms that have rolled through.  If you just look at this tree, you see the shape and contour.  It has an incredible root system and is near a water source.  Both of these qualities have helped this beautiful tree stand through the generations.  This is a perfect analogy for parenting.  Your root system needs to be wide and deep and you need to know your source.  Where are you getting your strength and depth of character?  Who are you relying on to lead you as you parent?  The internet?  The latest parenting craze?  The internet has been a great source of much needed information for me.  Got an issue?  Read a book, search the Web!  But, really I just have to rely on what God has to say to me about my situation.  It’s amazing how much He actually has to say to us.  What do I want my children to be like as the grow?  I need to look deep within myself and see what is in me.  This is the best way to work out this endurance race.  Some days feel like a sprint, but realize you are parenting for the marathon.

 

 

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God has hand picked you for your children.  These children don’t need some other mother or father.  They need you.  You have what it takes to raise them just as they should be.  I’ve always taken mothering incredibly seriously.  God has entrusted these children to us to ultimately lead to Him. That is the primary goal.  How we parent matters.  Our children will learn how to see God through how we live.  Their first impressions of God come from us.  It matters!  We teach them how to live life.  We aren’t perfect and that’s okay.  We say to our kids, “Follow me, as I follow God!”  When we mess up, they can have a front row seat to God’s grace in your life.  They probably won’t understand it all now, but later they will look back and see clearly.

Our kids look to us.  Will we inspire them?  We can’t leave it to the world to lead them.  It doesn’t take a village to raise your child.  It takes you!  Yes, we have those around us who contribute to their lives, but we are the primary source of inspiration and guidance.  You may say, “Wow! No pressure, there!”  We don’t have to do it alone, though.

On many occasions I have prayed about specific parenting issues I have had with each of my kids.  I need God to lead us in parenting these humans in a way He wants them parented.  No.  I have to have His help.  They have a purpose to fulfill–He knows better what they need than we do.

We need to love and nurture and provide support and shade.  The generations to follow depend on you.  What do you want your legacy to be?  What goals do you have for your parenting?  What do you need to adjust in order for the next generations to have a lasting legacy to look to?

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Off We Go!

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A good old fashioned swing.

I think it must be the closest feeling a child has to soaring.  I remember as a kid on the playground pumping higher and higher…once I got the pumping figured out.  The cool kid thing was jumping from the swing at the peak.  Probably not the safest!  I was horrified when my kids tried it.  My younger brother did it once….landed flat on his back.  Hurt himself, he did.  Yeah….no jumping from swings, kids!

I think we all long to soar.

We want to soar with our dreams.

Pumping and pumping until we reach the heights.  I know I do….but, I really, really want my kiddos to soar.  My oldest is a big dreamer.  He has always had a creative imagination and I often felt I was trying to hold fast to a bucking bronco.  He has always had so much he wants to do.  I never could quite keep up!  He inspired our made up word—exhausterating!

I never ever want to be a dream killer.

Some dreams are often unrealistic.  I want to be my child’s biggest cheerleader.  Life has a way of killing dreams.  I’m not going to be guilty of doing it.  I will train and guide my children on a path which leads to fulfilling their dreams.  Whatever God has for them….He will lead them.

Giving them wings is a little like stomping on your heart one day and thrilling it with joy the next.  My firstborn is pumping his wings fiercely.  As the time grew near for him to soar from the nest, my heart couldn’t comprehend it.  I had given so much of my life to this cute little boy who easily held my heart.  How was I supposed to give him wings when I wasn’t sure I wanted him out of my nest in the first place?

The fear of the unknown was almost debilitating.  Much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth took place.  Until one day, a wise lady basically told me to get over it.  I’m not kidding.  Her kids are grown and she has a great-grandbaby, maybe two.

But, I was bemoaning on Facebook about the nest emptying of one, and she told me to think of all the greatness to come.  There would be great joy on the flip side; an adult relationship with your offspring is incredibly rewarding!  But, I have to adjust my thinking.  I had to rethink this and keep moving forward.

At first, I have to say, it jolted me.

It felt rough and scratchy.

But, it wiggled its way into my brain and heart.

I sat in his bedroom, after the dorm move in day, and cried my way through the mess that was left behind.  I cried and scratched and clawed my way through a week, or maybe just two.  Sobbing even, maybe.  Until one day, my littlest Little asked if I still loved them—the ones who were still there with me in the nest.  I knew it was time to pull on the big girl panties and fully embrace this new day.  And slowly, I began to see.  I was excited to see him try his new way; walk his own path.  His joy was my joy.

When our children soar, our hearts soar with them.

It has been a giving and taking and figuring it all out.  You know, the normal boundaries stuff, and the mom in me worrying stuff, and I want you home this weekend stuff.  It has been good.  Mine is about to finish his first year of college.  I can’t even imagine it.  Oh, the soaring he has done!

There have been some clunky landings and stormy skies.  But, that is the soaring life.  How did he get the wings to fly, you ask?

 

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We certainly don’t have all the answers, here are 5 things we did:

  1. Teach him he can do anything and everything God has for him to do.  He stirs the passion of our hearts to do good things.  Make sure he knows we believe 100% in him.
  2. Give him solid roots to ground him.  Are they gonna be forgotten sometimes? Oh, yes.  But, this solid foundation will always go with them.
  3. Shape his life full of opportunities which inspire him to be all he can be with God.
  4. Make sure he knows he has a nest to come home to.  Our love is unconditional.
  5. Realize at this point, the “parenting” is pretty much done; we are now in the coaching phase. 

I see the shortcomings and misfires in our parenting.  This has not been an easy or mistake-free parenting adventure.  But, like I told one of my Littles today, we make mistakes, but it has only been done from a heart of love.  They aren’t going to like every decision we make, but never forget, it is always made from a place of love.

Love.  Real, honest love.  This is what makes the wings grow.

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