Our life is full.
Seasons come and seasons go.
This season is very full….of beauty.
I’ve had seasons that I felt looked nothing like this. I failed to notice the exquisite beauty.
I’ve spent enough days frenetically tending to my littles. Many long days and nights filled with much one-on-one with my babies. That season felt very isolating. At times, my heart and brain fought and struggled against the craziness that is mothering babies, toddlers and preschoolers. I didn’t always readily recognize the beauty of those moments.
I’ve had struggling seasons full of angst as to what my purpose is in this life. Mothering, yes. Loving my man, yes. I knew there was more. Not better, just more. Not as much living in the moment, but struggling and wrestling with life. Some seasons are like that. It seems that insecurity and feelings of inadequacy are often at the heart of striving and struggling. Who am I really in Christ? So tightly wound up in the angst, I failed to appreciate all the beauty to be found here.
But, one thing I am learning is the art of soaking in the moment.
This just might be the cure for the struggle. We may never pass this way again. So, I will look at moments and turn them into memories. Time is fleeting and life is changing. Sometimes in the middle of pain and the Shadowlands, it seems as if the pain and dark will always accompany us throughout this life. But, this too shall pass. Even here, there is so much beauty waiting to be noticed.
Back in the Shadowlands, I use to wonder if we’d ever be able to laugh again. There was so much ugly. How was I ever going to be able to look back at pictures of my babies and not grieve and ache for what should have been or what was? For so long I could not pull out albums and look through the memories. I felt robbed. I couldn’t scale the divide of before….and after. A divide that is definitely there. Maybe it will never go away. But, the pain of that season is turning to more of a scar, and so, I can take glimpses and survive. I am learning to trust the beauty I find.
In this new season, I am learning so much.
This learning is fun.
I’m learning to take the moments and turn them into beautiful memories.
I look at my Loves and know time is passing and each moment is beautiful. No, the moments aren’t always as full of grace and joy as they should or could be. Sometimes, I get frustrated and irritated when things don’t turn out like I want. We run crazy with little margin and meet somewhere in the middle. We disappoint and turn mole hills into mountains.
We forgive and love fiercely.
We show up and cheer each other on.
We open our hearts and listen.
So much is right. So much is beautiful.
We don’t usually travel far for Spring Break. Usually it is the unsung holiday. But, this year was different. Oh, the memories we have made and the futures we have dreamed about!
Time is passing. I see it.
Who knew all the life we would live in these years? So much more is hoped for. So much beauty is to come.
But, we have to be willing to notice it.
How long does it take before we realize our lives are already full? How long before we realize beauty lies even in the cracked and messy days, or years? If we don’t notice it now, it will slip silently away, lost for the ages. If we don’t notice it now, how will we know it when we see it later?
It takes stopping and looking and breathing.
My, the crazy days leave us breathless and tired. We slump and sling and harden our hearts. We can’t even hear the whisper of the call of beauty.
We must mark it. Make an altar of it. See it for what it is.
This beauty given us by God….this holy place that points us to Him.
So, to the ones who are seeking fuller and brighter seasons, they are coming. To those in the messy and crazy season, find the joy and beauty that is staring you in the face. The beauty can be exquisite if you look for it.
Sometimes it is wrapped in the most unlikely tapestry.