We Are Not Worthy

March 2, 2015March 2, 2015 / morgancreynolds / Leave a comment

I am troubled.

I am deeply saddened and troubled by the persecution of Christians in the Middle East and other vulnerable places around the world. Churches are ransacked and burned to the ground while Christians are murdered for their faith. We all have heard about the martyrdom occurring for the whole world to see.

Christians are being rounded up and carried away. The Islamic Extremists are taking women and children and selling them into sexual slavery…..to use them for their sick purposes. Little girls ages 1-4…..I can’t even imagine the horror they are experiencing at the hands of ruthless evil. Christian men have been paraded through the streets in cages and then beheaded. They bravely kneel before the world with Jesus being uttered with their last breath.

This is the world we live in. We see these images splashed across our screens and the stories told on the radio. Hatred is growing and evil is moving from city to city. It has a plan.

It is as if evil has been unleashed and all of Hell is being poured out. It makes me wonder.

How has this happened?

How have we gotten here?

Had you ever imagined such sights in our advanced world?

I know there are all sorts of geo-political and historical reasons for this unrest. I also know it is a battle between good and evil. The stakes are high…..the costs are even higher.

Regardless of your political or theological persuasion, evil is evil. We see it in the every day morality battles America is engaged in. There is truth. There is right and wrong. There is evil. And there is good. Yet, it seems so incredibly difficult to call it for what it is. Some seem paralyzed to utter the words while Christians and Jews are being openly and brutally persecuted right in front of our eyes.

We are not worthy of them.

These persecuted Christians are willing to give their very lives with the name of Jesus on their lips as they take their last breath. Many have grown mute in America and can’t seem to find our collective voice. We are more concerned about political correctness, all the while watching the advance of evil. I fear we will pay the price and mourn our inaction.

These extremists are not peacefully practicing a religion. This is not a freedom to be protected. They are on a mission to destroy anyone and everything that would differ or speak out against them.

So, I have a question for you, my friends. I know these brothers and sisters in Christ ask the same question.

Where are we in this great fight and why can we not stand with them in this dark hour?

Here is my concern. If we can’t stand with them now, how are we going to have strength to endure if this evil spreads to our soil? If we can’t stand up as a country and speak honestly about who these evil people are and what they are doing, how are American Christians going to be protected? How will we deal with persecution?

I know there are those who would say, “It will never come to America. We are too great.” How can we be so sure? Look at the rise of these extremists in such a relatively short time. I have no credentials on the subject and probably sound ridiculous to some. But, did you ever imagine such a holocaust could ever happen again? In our lifetime? I hoped we had learned from the mistakes of our past.

Complacency.

We should pray for our fellow Christian brothers and sisters around the world experiencing persecution. I am moved by the reports I see. My emotions and thoughts run wild.

What can I really do? How would I handle being persecuted?

We live in America and we have never really had to defend our right to be a Christian. Not really.

We’ve given up key fights over the years and so now we experience social push back. But that is our own fault. That’s not really persecution.

Not really.

We are not worthy of them. These martyrs for the faith.

I pray God would give peace and strength to them. I pray God would hear their prayers and meet their needs. Preserve them and draw them close to Him. Jesus, protect the women and children who are being sold into sexual slavery for heinous and perverted purposes. Comfort these your children as they witness heinous evil so vile and grieve as their loved ones are carried away. I pray for the families that are split and divided perhaps never to be together again…..speak peace to the mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters. I pray you would carry them and stay close to them as many will be called upon to give their very lives. I know you find them faithful.

This is not my usual topic for blogging. But, I couldn’t get away from it today. I pray about my posts each week and I just couldn’t walk away from this. I would ask you to join me in praying for our brothers and sisters in Christ.

They are being called upon to give their lives for their faith.

He has found them worthy….we are not worthy of them.

Courage, Dear Heart

February 23, 2015February 22, 2015 / morgancreynolds / Leave a comment

“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

Why is it that after all I know, I still doubt?

Where do I think He is going to lead me?

What about the time I trusted completely and the wheels came all the way off the bus, landed in the ditch…..and, the bus blew up!?!

Why do I forget who He is and how much He loves me and mine?

My heart screams foul.

Instead of first remembering all the glories and grace, I turn and stare at the cracked and raised scars. I think of what put them there. I remember the pain and the emotion of the broken and disillusioned reality.

So quick to forget.

What causes this short term memory gap? Is it fear that causes the impaired vision; or is it the impaired vision that causes the fear? I know it is a human issue. It’s not new to me. Even the wanderers of Israel could never seem to remember the miracles and open hand of God. Maybe you, too?

It is so easy to rehearse the pain of the past; it is lazy at best and ungrateful at worst.

There.

Sometimes we need to be direct and truthful with ourselves.

Tell ourselves to snap out of it—get back to focusing on the good. What of this living by the spirit of fear? How much better would it be to live with power, love and a sound mind?

Interesting how “sound mind” is lumped right in there. It seems fear has a way of causing us to lose our minds. Without clarity, we don’t process and interpret life or situations effectively or wisely. When we don’t work from a sound mind, we lose self-discipline and good judgment. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. But, for whatever reason, I can pick up and move on over and slide in right next to fear.

What do I think fear is really going to do for me? It is a harsh taskmaster. Fear ties a noose around my neck and leads me down dark and unsafe paths. My judgment is clouded and I am not able to hear clearly what God just might say to me. Fear is relentless and tiring and leaves me frazzled, lying in a heap.

I have to shake my head. God did not think highly of the wanderers when they did the same thing. Oh, He loved them immeasurably! But He grew tired of their faithlessness and their inability to just remember! In fact, He saw them as ungrateful and difficult. I really don’t want God to look at me in the same light.

Our scars are left behind as a reminder that God’s grace is sufficient and our strength is made stronger in our weakest moments.

God’s grace goes where no human hand can. The world is a rough and tumble place with countless potential land mines. Fear points out everything that could possibly go wrong; grace reminds us He never leaves us or forsakes us.

If we are so quick to remember the messes and disasters, why can’t we just as easily remember He has an awesome plan for us—one that is full of blessing, hope and better tomorrows?

Maybe the best place to start is with gratitude.

It seems to always come right back to that. Doesn’t it? A daily remembering of all the lovely graces which fill our days from beginning to end. It takes a purposefulness and strength to look beyond the hard edges. It takes focusing on the abundance in the simplicity. Oh my goodness! The whole of our minds shift and light dazzles the gray. Why wouldn’t we want this?

Gratitude and grace aren’t gold pavers lining the street and smoothing out bumps and potholes. They serve to lift our focus from the mess to the savior in the mess. We see He is for us. This sin of Adam is the problem; not God. He has never left our side. And, He can clearly see us all the way home.

So, what do I have to fear?

What do I have to be afraid of?

No scheme of man can ever take me out of His hand! (And you know some try awfully hard!) Circumstances or events may not look how we imagined or the horizon may be asking more questions than giving answers. The answers don’t often come before we strike out on the unfamiliar road.

When gratitude and grace emerge, you shift your focus to the one who sees clearly and has walked this way before.

Psalm 32.8 beautifully expresses his heart toward us,

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.”

He watches over me with loving care.

He is not flippant with my life.

When I stay close, He gives me good counsel.

When I stay close, I look at Him, see His heart and know—really know—I need not be afraid for whatever

may come.

Fear has no place.

Fear can’t rule.

This is a huge challenge for me today. How about you? What is so easy for you to forget? What situation needs your radical faith?

Just try it……the air is cleaner up there.

The Whole Of It

February 16, 2015February 15, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 1 Comment

…..May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!!

There is something that calls to me from this Scripture. You will find it in I Thessalonians 5:23-24. This world has a way of pulling us into a million pieces. Start with responsibilities, toss in a few wounds, mix in unmet expectations, throw in some disappointment and there you have it! I would never say life is all bad. But, stuff happens, and there ya go!

As a mom, one of the most important things is to see your children whole and happy—living to the fullest. When you see one of those cubs struggling to stay afloat, your instincts kicks into gear. I’m sure you are familiar with “Mother Bear” syndrome. I’m really familiar with it!

I do believe I lived in Mother Bear mode for about 3 years. There’s not a thing that can be said to a woman in full-on MB. Those cubs are the treasures and the way I see it, it’s our responsibility (with my honey) to get them from start to adulthood in one relatively good, solid piece. They need to be someone people can stand to be with and do something good with the space they take up. They need to pursue their passions and dreams and be all they can be.

So, when life starts getting in the way and you see your treasures fracturing and losing their handhold, MB mode is on high alert! My prayers for my hurting child were for him to be whole…. nothing missing and nothing broken in his life. I didn’t want the pain and anguish he experienced at the hand of someone so incredibly selfish to derail and destroy greatness within. I prayed and prayed for the wholeness which was rightfully his.

I remember God spoke to my heart that “he had seen it all” and my child and family would be healed and whole. He cared even more than I did. I wrote it down. I clung to that promise as my lifeline. That was over 2 years ago. I haven’t forgotten.

But, there have been times I have felt that the progress just was not good enough. It wasn’t a complete enough healing. I remember telling God during a particular season this wasn’t going to be good enough. Next try, please. I’m not sure what God thought about that. But, I felt I was exercising my faith. I knew God told me the broken parts would be healed….this wasn’t healed, as I understood healing! It certainly was a start, but I was believing for wholeness. There was a pain and hurt so deep that only God could touch it. But, I believed. I hid that promise in my heart.

I’ve watched him on this journey. Huge steps forward and some hiccups along the way. He wants it just as much as we do for him. It takes time and is a long journey that is neither easy nor enjoyable. But the strength of his spirit is inspiring and one of a true fighter; he will not be labeled a victim. For all of us, we want quick, easy answers and solutions to the pain and loss. We know such answers won’t come. But, I haven’t stopped believing!

Now, here we are. Three years later, great ground has been covered, healing has taken place, much learning and growing has been experienced. And, I am still watching and listening. God is answering and doing what he said he would do.

I just had an incredible conversation with my boy. He experienced God in a powerful way during his university’s chapel service a couple of weeks ago. He isn’t one to share his personal pain on a constant basis and has a list in his heart he knew intimately….hurt and pain he had just assumed would always be there. He was coping. God said, “That’s not good enough.” God promised…..and he is delivering. God came in that moment….even when my boy wasn’t looking for it. He met him there and brought more healing and hope to the hidden and private pain. He talked of joy like he hadn’t experienced in years. Oh! How a mama’s heart is healed by hearing such things.

When God promises something, he delivers. Our timetable is rarely correct. He doesn’t work on Human Standard Time. When he promises he will make you whole, putting together body, mind and soul, that is what he intends to do. I haven’t given up. It comes out of nowhere, looking different than I expect. But, oh my!

A few days before my son’s extraordinary moment with God, God sent a reminder to me of this very verse. I took note. He gently reminded me and turned my head toward him. I knew. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, he came and amazed us once again.

He’s just cool like that.

Love And All Its Glory

February 10, 2015February 9, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

I’ve heard folks say, and I guess some really believe it, if you experience hardship , you aren’t in God’s will. I am confused by this mentality. Never mind that Scripture says, “In this world you will have trouble.” Nobody wants it on a greeting card, but hey….

That brings me to think for a moment of the areas in life that I have had difficulties and obstacles. My children, my family, my church, my friendships, my life, my marriage….they’ve all had, at one point or another, some level of challenge, difficulty, turmoil, chaos, or pain. And I would dare to say, each of them are a part of God’s will for my life. How can someone say that my children or my church or my life is not a part of God’s will? Boggling.

Anyway, in 2008 my husband and I knew God was getting ready to change things up for the Reynolds’ crew. With open hearts and anticipation, we moved from Iowa to Virginia. I look back at a few rare journal entries and feel such sadness for that girl who wrote with such excitement. I want to warn her of all the pain that is about to blow through her life in a matter of months…..for years.

To say we faced challenges is a gross understatement. Wave after wave of loss and turmoil rolled over my family. I was working hard to help the children transition well, but I could feel the strain and the tearing of the fibers in my home and, more specifically, my marriage. I could feel the fabric of our marriage stretching to bare. We were functioning at some level, but we certainly were not thriving. There was a lot at stake so we just kept moving….one foot in front of the other. Hardships come. Opposition rises. And marriages crumble.

……love never gives up. It’s certain….we both had misfires, misunderstandings and unmet expectations. There were hurt hearts and wounded pride. But, we didn’t give up. It was probably the lowest of lows for us. But, we kept on.

……love cares more for others than for self. My husband was the rock we all needed as we wandered in the Shadowlands. He was strong and tended to us and led us as a fearless leader. We gladly followed. It was the aftermath of the abuse that drew us together emotionally as a force to be reckoned with. We rallied as a team and circled our wagon. We worked together to help bring healing to our broken family. Even though we felt weak and vulnerable, we were a team.

…….love always trusts God. My husband always pointed us back to Christ. Even in the hardest hard or darkest dark. Yes, our faith was shaken and all we knew was rocked to the core. But, this man, my love, led us back again and again to Christ. He didn’t have all the answers and didn’t pretend to. But, he knew that God could be trusted….even when it doesn’t make sense and we can’t see His hand. Glenn gave me room to question and even scream and yell. He held my hand and understood when to let me cry. He cried with our boy and grieved for the loss. But, he led us back, over and over, to Christ. “Follow me while I follow Christ.” He didn’t know where it all led, but we would follow Christ.

……love never dies. Goodness. What a statement! Do our dreams die? Do our hopes and expectations die? Do people and marriages die? Yes, yes, and yes. But Christ living in us does not die. Christ living through us does not die. This is our hope! God is love. If we have him living in us, we have his Love living in us. My husband demonstrated love by continuing on with this broken mess. He led us to forgiveness. My sweet love gave sacrificially to help us on our journey to healing. He trusted God’s love even when his own doubts were doubling by the day.

He will cringe at finding out I wrote my blog around him this week. He’s not a self-promoter. Nor does he like my flattery “out there for the whole world to see.” But, then again, those are other traits of love flowing in my man. I could go on and on. But I will end with this. Love isn’t shallow or flighty. It isn’t selfish or easily drawn away. And if you have any experience, you know that some days it fires hotter than others and some days you love because that is what you committed to do.

So, for those taking notes, in this world you will have trouble. Lots of it. And it doesn’t mean you are out of God’s will. But you do walk out of God’s will when you forget to love. If you truly love, you work through it. You work through the bad, the ugly, the broken, the inconvenient, the harsh and the lean times. It’s what you do with the trouble that counts.

If you do it right, you end up with the amazingly beautiful,

the whole, the blessing,

the joyful and the abundant.

Everything can be conquered with love.

Strong Medicine

February 2, 2015February 1, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

I sat on the bed. Everything I believed was in the middle of a free fall. This was my parachute. It deployed and my descent slowed. So, I sat there and started crying. Not the gentle tear, but the rolling, sobbing kind.

If you asked me, I would have done away with our current course. There was so much to wade through and sometimes I just wasn’t sure about much. Trust of everything and most everybody was at a devastating low.

I had picked up a book I had some months earlier stuck in a corner. I had seen it advertised, it looked interesting, but when it came, it underwhelmed me. So, there it sat, forgotten, actually. Until one night in small group, the book came up in discussion. It rang familiar….I went home, dug it out and started to devour it. It’s funny how that happens. Not a coincidence, by any stretch of the imagination.

I had NO idea. God knew that it would be required reading for the journey I was about to take. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp changed my life forever.

As I was reading, God nudged me and began to un-bandage my wound. He was always so gentle with me. His gentleness wooed my worn out soul. He knew me and the brokenness of my heart.

He was always so full of grace. And, He began to speak through the words on the page. What was I going to do with it?

God was there in all the ugly pain. He was there and heard my child’s desperate cries for help and rescue. He made a way out. He was with us in the counseling moments. The hours upon hours of healing that took place through a dedicated mouthpiece. The darkness that seemed to hover over the waiting room would take my breath away. The grief that never seemed to run out. He was there.

In that moment, I had a choice to make.

I could either trust Him enough to be grateful in spite of the pain and destruction or….not.

Was I going to continue feeling as if He couldn’t be trusted? Was I going to keep on feeling as if He didn’t know what He as doing and certainly not keeping an eye on my family? He held out the medicine for my soul. Right there. Within my reach. Trust and Gratitude.

Gratitude makes my life a sanctuary.

Gratitude invites God into the pain and opens the door to beauty. Gratitude changes the lens of of our view. Thanksgiving lifts my head off of the present, shattered mess and on to the One who leads me forward. I can trust that He will lead me safely on and be right by my side. I could focus on my desperate thoughts of wishing this had never happened; or wondering where God was on the nights my child had no escape; or the fears of my child never being whole and happy. At that moment, the view was pretty tragic and desperate.

God knew my life was meant for more than that. There was nothing I could do to change the circumstances, but I could change my view. That was entirely up to me! Gratitude invites grace into the dark and transforms it into light. The light shines bright and life is breathed back into the dead.

It’s not easy or everyone would do it!

If it came naturally, this world would be transformed beyond recognition. I’m not saying we have to be grateful for the ugly destruction. I’m certainly not there yet or sure I ever will be.

But I’m choosing to not focus on it. It isn’t my daily diet and I am not going to let it eat me alive! BUT, I am trying daily to focus on the everyday miracles and answered prayers.

The hand of God moves and reveals Himself in the mundane and in the grand.

Beauty in the sunlight

Chai tea lattes in the morning

Family dinner

Little girls kisses

A Saturday with no commitments

God loves my children even more than I do

Friends who understand

Honest and open conversations

God speaking to my children

A day with lessened pain

Darkness is destroyed

Date night with my love

Libraries!!!

In my brokenness, I can still worship….a sacrifice to the One who is always there

A smile

Love expressed in simply kind ways

Candles on a cold day

Sweet sibling prayers

So, here I am….1,122 gratitudes strong….written down.

And it will keep going.

I’m just one woman working to live at peace on this journey I am on. Unfortunately, at times I’ve bogged down and some days have been very gratitude silent.

But, I don’t want to be that….for what has the Love of my Savior done to be ignored and unrecognized? He faced darkness head on so that I can have Light in my own darkness.

What gratitude do you need to start voicing? Where is the mundane or grand that needs acknowledgement in your life? A lack of gratitude will choke the very life out of your heart. But, thankfulness will keep your eyes off the dark and on the Light!

Gratitude = Great Attitude

January 26, 2015January 26, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

Kind of a cheesy title. Sorry about that! But it struck me once again as I sit here and love on my four-legged, furry baby! I’m grateful for Kingsley Rose!

Gratitude is the one guaranteed life changer ….. or at least change how you view it!

This gal’s sole purpose is to love and be loved. She is nothing but a lover! We affectionately refer to her as our PTSD dog. For years, I was set against getting a dog. I certainly didn’t understand the super dog lovers. They were dirty, smelly animals that chewed up things and got into trouble and would probably meet an untimely end like all my childhood dogs. Nope! Not gonna do it. I didn’t get it.

When we were going through our crisis, somehow the stars aligned and my heart was softened. I remember it very clearly. The door of my heart cracked open and my Honey pounced on it like LIFE depended on it! Money was exchanged and before I knew it we were the humans to a very cute, very spunky, very fluffy, very loving, little white dog. I laugh, because God knew what we needed. And sometimes it is the smallest of things that blesses you the most. In her small little package comes more healing and laughter and peace than you might imagine of a little, fluffy dog.

It is from the unlikeliest of places that God brings the greatest of joys. Sometimes the greatest gifts come wrapped in unusual packaging. During that time, I was learning I had to get my eyes off our crisis and refocus my attention on the many things to be thankful for. I wasn’t called to be thankful FOR the pain that rocked my family. But, I was called to be thankful IN the pain.

I took the challenge to keep a running list of gratitude. Whether big or small, it went into my gratitude journal. If you start intentionally looking for the gifts you’ve been given, you will be surprised how many there really are.

Even in the seemingly starkest and most desolate circumstances you might be facing, God reveals his grace.

In the early days of my journaling of the gifts, it was hard. Some days were easier. Some days the page laid blank because I could’t find one single, solitary thing to be thankful for. As I looked back over my list and neared 1,000 reasons to be thankful, the one thing that popped up over and over was…you guessed it! Our sweet, loving, lovable four-legged friend. She soothed our souls and made us belly laugh. She knew when there were tears and she nuzzled up to check on us. And so many times, she just knew WE needed to play with her.

So, you see, it is quite comical.

When we do what seems to be the most impossible thing to do

—like being grateful in the really ugly times—

God has a way of surprising us with the greatest joy!

In order to get the biggest pay off, you have to find the gratitude in the hardest hard. It literally saved my life. It got my attention off of the loss and pain and onto the gifts God had already given in the every day.

I soon realized that the simple-magnificent was right before me.

You too might just save your life, or maybe just your mind, but nonetheless, you can’t lose if you focus on the graces you are given each day. I challenge you to start a running gratitude list for each and every day. I think you will be surprised at what you find. I dare you!

I’d love to hear your gratitude! Please share with me and we can smile together!

PS. If you need further inspiration, I highly recommend this resource. It challenged me and changed my life. http://www.aholyexperience.com/one-thousand-gifts-book/

Forgiveness…..It Makes Me Sweat

January 19, 2015January 19, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

Forgiveness. The word makes me sweat.

I am an emotional person. I feel things deeply. I take things to heart. My heart gets bruised. And, it’s not just about me. I am madly in love with my husband and children. They are my world. When they hurt, I hurt. When bad things happen to them, it might as well be me! I am very emotive….so much estrogen. Just ask my family. (Think mother bear!)

The biggest lesson of my life came in October 2011. Desperate to end his nightmare, our child spilled his hurt and pain to my husband. We knew this person. We thought she was safe—she wanted to be a youth pastor and we were mentoring her towards that end. We thought we knew and understood her well.

Apparently, we didn’t.

The days that followed were full of rage, pain and complete shock. We navigated the legal system, detectives, and victim advocates in a haze of unbelief. Not unbelief of our child’s story. We never doubted him. Sitting in the detective’s office, trying to answer endless questions, we just couldn’t figure out how we had gotten to this point.

How could someone do this to one of our own and to our family?

I never dreamed, in all my days, I would be sitting

in a courtroom listening to all the graphic details of the abuse.

Who does?

Betrayal of any kind is painful.

At this level, it was hard to breathe. We had done so much to better the life and future of this caregiver; providing opportunities for a future that would not have come anywhere else.

We did receive justice in the legal system. We are grateful. It started the healing process for our boy and for us. We felt heard and understood. Unfortunately, in today’s culture, male victims of female perpetrators many times don’t receive equal justice. But, we did. And that is nothing short of a miracle.

But, see, this is where it gets gritty.

As Christ Followers, we are taught to forgive.

For the longest time I wasn’t in any place to forgive. I needed time and space to process and heal.

And I honestly think God was okay with that. I learned something important.

Everybody moves at their own pace and the journey is cyclical—just like in the grieving process.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT EASY NOR CHEAP.

I have to say, there are some days I don’t feel as if I have forgiven very well. Most days, three years isn’t long enough to pay for the level of trauma, fear and pain he endured. And, if I am really honest (please allow me),

I can’t understand how God could forgive this, much less me.

I know this: If I surrender my deep betrayal and pain to God, and follow His lead, He will walk me through this difficult journey of forgiveness.

I am learning that forgiveness is a journey.

This past week was a perfect example of how much work I have left to do, but how far I have come! It was a milestone in our journey. He knows we are human. We are not perfect in this earthly skin.

I think forgiveness isn’t a one and done type of thing either.

It is a process—a lifelong journey that brings great peace. I imagine I will work the rest of my life to forgive fully and completely as I know Christ does. I know God knows my humanity.

He gives me strength and power to do what I can’t seem to do on my own.

As you can see, it makes the top 10 of the hardest lessons I will learn in life. And I’m still trying to figure it all out. It is a team effort with God leading the way. I’ll follow in His footsteps and I know all will be alright.

What about you? Do you have something that screams for forgiveness but you just don’t know how? Can you give yourself grace knowing God does when you are walking hand in hand….moving in His unhurried rhythms of grace?

My friend, I know it is hard. I hate the cliches.

But, God is jealous for you and is aware of your pain.

Sit and listen for His rhythm of grace.

The Shadowlands

January 12, 2015January 12, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 5 Comments

Life has a way of taking you on unexpected journeys.

Sometimes your way is smooth, flowing from one moment full of gratitude to another. All you see are blue skies and silver linings. Other times the way gets bumpy as you encounter gray skies and thunder. You are stopped in your tracks…BUT you quickly regain clarity and keep moving.

And yet, there are other times, where the sky is so dark and the terrain so rugged that you feel the darkness surrounding you. The journey feels overwhelming and unfair. You question how you got to this place. You check your rearview mirror, trying to find what led to this place. You might even do an inventory of your life choices. It’s dark. It’s scary and you can’t seem to find any light through the clouds.

I’ve been there, and I’m willing to bet some chocolate you have, too. Maybe you are right smack dab in the middle of it even now.

A year after learning of our child’s abuse, I sat down and thought through some of the lessons I learned while traveling through these Shadowlands. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I want to share with you what I learned, in the hopes that my pain will help you in whatever you are going through. So, each week (at least for a while) I will post a blog focusing on these lessons I learned.

My child still faces emotional repercussions of what was done to him….the abuse, isolation, and fear the abuser used to control him has very real moments of rearing its ugly head. But he is learning to deal in healthy ways and is not allowing it to control his life. Everyone’s pain looks different. It comes in all shapes and forms. But, it’s there. Waiting in the shadows to control and devour.

One thing I learned is not all things can be fixed. Nope. Wouldn’t that be great? A simple, easy and quick “how do ya do” and it’s all better. I have learned that ALL things can be redeemed, however. The beautiful part is you don’t know how the ragged and torn pieces are all going to fit back together, much less with any beauty and grace. I know this to be true; time does not heal all wounds. The only healer of wounds is God. I marvel at how He has chosen to put our jagged pieces back together.

The beauty that comes from pain can be exquisite. I’m not sure how it works. Give Him the shredded and broken. Give Him the messy and stinky. Give Him the confused and lost pieces. And He takes them, heals them, reshapes them and gives them back to you in the form of something absolutely amazing.

I remember sitting on the counselor’s couch. My head in my hands. Life and ministry had been incredibly difficult, unlike anything I had ever experienced up to that point. Then this was thrown on top of the pile. We had followed God. We had given our lives to follow Him. We were raising our kids to be Jesus followers. And yet. I could hardly grasp the depth of our pain and the dark we were entering. I could only cry.

If I had to go through it then something good was going to come of it!

On our journey through this very ugly and dark place, I decided if I was going to go through this terrible, horrible, no good, hard season then I was going to do something with it. I was going to be better for it! I knew someone needed to hear my story and know they are not alone. It may not even look like my pain. Pain is pain.

The Shadowlands can be a scary, lonely place.

But, there is much peace and gratitude to be found if we only look beyond the Shadowlands.

We may not know what life will look like on the other side of the dark, but we know who will walk with us through the dark. And He never leaves.

I’ve learned He can take ANYTHING and redeem it. Not everything can be fixed. But EVERYTHING can be redeemed.

Where are you? Are you in the middle of the Shadowlands? Are you coming out the other side and all that is left is a broken heart and shattered dreams? What do you need redeemed? He will. I know it….as well as I know anything. He just needs you to let Him….stop trying to piece it all back together by yourself. And what beauty He will create!

This Blog and My Crazy Life

January 5, 2015January 5, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 5 Comments

Welcome to my blog!

Thanks for stopping by for a visit. I’m glad you are here!

I’m a wife– a minister’s to be exact. I’m a mom, an educator, and just a person trying to live with peace and joy.

Life is quite the journey, isn’t it?

Twists and turns and off-roading at any given time. My life has certainly felt a little like off-roading these past few years.

Maybe you can relate.

My husband is my pastor. That doesn’t mean my life is full of sweet cherub choirs and praying all day (although there have been times when that might have been the best course of action for me)! For certain, I love my man! He is a wonderful husband, father and the best pastor/leader I know!

BUT

sometimes, life gets bumpy and messy even inside the church. Can I get an amen!

How do you walk through life when life gets messy and complicated and you feel like you should have just stayed in the house and pulled the shades?

My kids are my biggest treasure!

They have provided me with years of laughter and love.

But not a single blessed one is of a compliant nature. Hmmmm. Well, that has left me scratching my head and counting to ten on more than one occasion over the last 19 years!

How could three little darlings test my very sanity and my self-confidence in one fell swoop?

And let’s throw in a hefty dose of homeschooling for good measure! That ought to make for some interesting days….

OH! Who am I kidding…..months and years!

What do you do when a crisis of such magnitude hits your family with such a force that the only thing you can do is cry rivers of tears and circle the wagons?What do you do when all you want to do is flee instead of fight?

You have no warning and everything you know to be true burns to ashes in moments. People can be cruel. That is life.

BUT

I also know that wonderful people are in our lives to become tangible expressions of love to us when that is what we really need the very most.

Without that, my journey would not be complete.

My journey is one of crisis, hard days, things that won’t ever make sense, and days full of depression and anxiety stumbling through the shadowlands.

BUT

then again, my journey would not be complete without the

miracles

peace

joy

gratitude

answered prayers

and regained faith.

In the words of the country music singer Gary Allan,

“Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride.”

And that is what I’ve come to believe deep down.

Life sometimes takes a turn through some ugly terrain and you can’t see around the bend but, if you just hang on a little longer, the road will smooth out and the view gets more beautifully breath-taking with time.

I often say some questions will NEVER have answers.

And even if they did, they wouldn’t be good enough.

So, I choose to focus on the BEAUTY that has come from the pain.

My journey is learning how to live with peace and gratitude. We are all still here and together.

The scars have become beautiful reminders of GRACE in the ugly. And we fiercely have each others’ backs in this family.

Nothing can take away the consequences that come from the

ugly, selfish, horrible abuse

one of my treasures had to endure for two and a half years

alone

and

in silence

from the hand of a trusted authority figure.

We still feel the reverberations from the shock waves of such betrayal and abuse. But, I stand in the middle of a miracle and watch as the broken is being mended and the jagged pieces are being lovingly put back together with such grace and divine creativity that all you can do is sit back

AND

watch with a big ‘ole goofy grin and a grateful heart.

So, there you have it.

I’m not super fancy.

But I love beautiful things…..as long as I can get a good deal! Lately, thrift stores are my ally and books are my escape.

God has been good and we even got a darn cute Bichon puppy in the mix (which we lovingly call our PTSD dog). She is the fourth baby I will never have and has healed our hearts in ways I could never have imagined.

I figure if I went through it, it better be for some good. I won’t have the pain wasted. That is the point of this blog. I’ve journeyed through the Shadowlands and deserve a t-shirt! Maybe you have too or know someone who has had a bumpy ride…..for whatever the reason. I would love for you to follow me and share this blog with your friends. I won’t waste your time.

I look forward to sitting down and chatting on the porch.

I don’t drink coffee but I’ll bring my chai.

why don’t you stop on by and we’ll talk about life and how we can enjoy this beautiful ride.

I certainly don’t have all the answers

but

life can be sweet and perhaps wisdom can even stop by.

Amberly reynolds

sweet sage lane

Author: morgancreynolds

We Are Not Worthy

Courage, Dear Heart

The Whole Of It

Love And All Its Glory

Strong Medicine

Gratitude = Great Attitude

Forgiveness…..It Makes Me Sweat

The Shadowlands

This Blog and My Crazy Life