Where Is Your Life?

July 22, 2015July 21, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

It’s been a really great summer. Sleeping in (my favorite!), road tripping around the area, reconnecting with friends, reading, watching my boy play ball, and playing taxi. Pretty much loving life and feeling grateful. We enjoyed a great day for our anniversary. We kept it simple and relaxing. And I am so thankful. My kids are pursuing their passions, living life and having a good time doing it. God is blessing their lives and you can see His love for us.

In the last few years, I haven’t always been able to say that. Maybe that’s you, too. We’ve experienced financial reversal, faced rejection, suffered at the hands of people and felt like we were going through hell. I realize that isn’t the warm and fuzzy thing to say. Suffering depression, anxiety and PTSD was never on the order list we sent up. When 4 out of 5 in your family have to be medicated just to handle daily life, I’m telling you, that’s not what you order up. Who does?

But, it happens. Life happens. I remember a couple of years ago, living life with a teenager and just being thankful we were dealing with normal teenager stuff. We had come a long way. Moving from constant crisis mode to dealing with everyday issues was such a relief. I even found some much needed humor in that.

A few years ago, I was walking the neighborhood, thinking life would never get back to normal. I just wanted it to so desperately. Whatever that was supposed to be. What I thought was normal life, happened to be a private hell for someone most dear to me. That was an eye opening thought. A paradigm shift.

Life changes—often on a dime. We had more stuff going wrong and our lives turned upside than I had ever thought possible. But, following dreams and doing big things, often stirs up the waters. We weren’t living the status quo; life threw not-status-quo stuff back at us.

But, here we are a few years out and life has smoothed out just fine. In the heat of it, when your neck is being scorched by the fire and heat, life looks pretty much like it is never again going to smooth out. That seems like a very distant memory. I got you on that one. We are looking eyeball to eyeball, and I say, I know it. It hurts. It really hurts.

I was reading some Scripture today and wanted to share it with you. My heart skipped a beat when I read it. Yes! I felt it! I knew it! Psalm 16 is a great chapter. Take a look at it with me.

Keep me safe, my God,

for in you I take refuge.

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;

apart from you I have no good thing.”

I say of the holy people who are in the land,

“They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”

Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.

I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods

or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;

you make my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I keep my eyes always on the Lord.

With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,

nor will you let your faithful[b] one see decay.

You make known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Verses 5 and 6 really lit up for me. Go ahead! Check those out again! Many of the first years of living in Virginia were beyond hard. It has been a challenge testing everything we were made of and then some! But, we’ve come out on the other side. We’ve fought hard and won! We trusted in Him and depended on Him to get us through. We took refuge in Christ. We kept our eyes on Christ. I really don’t know where we would have ended up if we hadn’t had Christ. People will disappoint you; people will betray and reject you. Christ is forever the one where our hearts find peace.

So, back to the present. Life is good. Life is beautiful. When you taste the bitter, the sweet is so much sweeter! When you walk through the darkness, the light is that much brighter! When you lose things precious, the blessings are that much more treasured. You have to experience the sad to appreciate the joy.

Such is life. My life boundaries are falling in pleasant places. That makes me happy. We are doing life. It’s not perfect, but what is? But, it sure is beautiful!

A Letter To My Loves

July 15, 2015July 14, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

To Our Loves,

As your Dad and I celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary, I hope you have witnessed a growing, deep love. It’s hard to believe we are at 24…..next year is 25 and we will be celebrating in fine style! But until then….

Your Dad and I met in 1988. I know it seems so very long ago. We married in 1991 while we were young and full of dreams. I suggest you marry when your heart is full of love and bright with dreams. Young love can be challenging, and I often say older is probably better. But, here’s what I know, your dreams grow together and you figure out life with someone close by your side when you start out younger. Life is good in pairs. That may not work out for you exactly like that, but if your heart is open, your head is solidly on your shoulders and feet are firmly planted on the ground, run through this life together. You won’t have all the money you need (and money is really good!), but God will provide if you listen closely to Him.

You will never find the “perfect” Mr. or Mrs. Right. Everyone has flaws. You have to decide what you can live with and what is non-negotiable. Nobody you love will be perfect. Absolutely nobody. So, if you find love and depth of character, decide whether you can live this life without them. Some flaws are obviously worse than others. Run! Run, like the wind! But, you know I have taught you, they need to love Jesus, serve Him and love their family. Of course, each of you have things you love and desire and things that won’t fly. Listen to your heart! My sweet girl, if you can find someone like your Daddy, you will be a woman most blessed. My strong men, I hope in some way I have shown you what a Jesus-loving wife should represent.

Love hits bumps and gets bruises. The real beauty comes from walking out whatever life has to throw at you. Not running away. It’s the living out grace and faith through the rough patches. It isn’t always pretty or easy, but marriage isn’t just about you. The other person doesn’t complete you—you are whole just as you are. One goal of marriage is to help your Love fulfill their dreams. And together, if you both do that, you will achieve more than you ever could on your own.

As you journey together, you will change and grow. So will the Love of your life. That is good. When you are Jesus followers, He will change you and grow you. So, encourage them to grow. Life is a journey; and, no, you will not know what you or your Love will look like 24 years from the day you walk down the aisle. But, if you open your hearts and journey together, you come out on the other side even better than when you started out.

Our journey has been filled with so much fun! Trips to Walt Disney World, the Rocky Mountains and the Grand Canyon. Trips to the ocean and visits to opposite coasts. Trips to other countries and close to home. So many fabulous memories! Life is what you make it. Marriage is too. Don’t wait for the golden years or someday to live life. Do what you can, when you can. You aren’t promised those yonder days. Make the most of now. It may mean you have to do it with some financial finesse, but do it nonetheless.

Remember, the children don’t run the corner office! Teach them there is something out there bigger than them. They can’t survive without that! And, that, my dears, starts at home. Your marriage is first. Your Love is first. Yes, there are seasons in which the children’s activities will dominate the schedule. But, remember your love comes first. Do what you can, when you can! Date nights and time and moments have to be taken. Learn your Love’s love language and do what you can to meet it. It may be a stretch for you to think outside the box of your own idea of love, but do it. Try hard! Give it all you’ve got! Children need to see their parents in love. That is when they are most secure. Oh, they will complain and be grossed out—gross them out anyway!

Many times, you will be called upon to sacrifice. That is life. Sometimes you will have to give more than you think you have to give. Many times you will have to set yourself aside for the moment and give out of yourself so your Love can have what they need. And they will have to do the same. I know this flies against the current culture. Often times you will find a godly marriage will. Many times, a godly marriage will have to go counter-culture to survive and grow. In fact, I will say, most of the time you will find yourself needing to live counter-culture to protect your family. Do it! Make the sacrifice! Your home, your family and all that is to come will depend on it.

There is so much more to say that comes from 24 years of marriage. But, I’m sure that will come in time. I wouldn’t change it for the world! Yes, I wish I had done some things differently. I wish I had loved better and understood more. But life and love is a journey. Your Dad is a great example of loving—many times I feel he has done it better than I. But, we are in it for the distance! We’ve been through a lot, but we’ve also experienced so much laughter, joy and love. I wouldn’t do this journey with anybody else.

Choose wisely, my Loves! But don’t be afraid! Love and marriage aren’t perfect, but definitely worth the effort!

Do I Have To?

June 15, 2015June 14, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

I have experience.

Lots of it. Some of it has come with kicking and screaming, but I have experience, nonetheless. “What experience?” you may ask.

Well, it is …..

stick-to-it-ativeness.

Yeah. It’s not as beautiful as it sounds. Trust me. Everyone has one of two tendencies. That is to fight or flee. And, actually, I am by nature a flee-er. Many times the option of “flight” seems pretty alright to me. So, honestly, I don’t come by this naturally.

But, I am married to….you guessed it! A fighter.

No, not a fighter, as in, he can’t get along with people and stirs up conflict. He is the kind that won’t run from a battle. He knows what is needed and will fight to see it happen. He’s not a quitter. His philosophy is, “I may not be smarter or more talented than others, but I can certainly outlast anybody!” Um, clearly, this has made for some great fun over the years.

I like comfort. I don’t like to go through the stretching and retching part of life. I like for everyone to like me. I want no hardships and certainly no sacrificing. I want dreams and projects to flow smoothly. I really don’t want conflict, hate it in fact. I certainly don’t want to be judged or misjudged. I like for the tasks I set my hand to to flow without hiccups or roadblocks of any sort. I want everyone to agree with me and my opinions. And, I certainly do NOT need or want rejection.

It hurts. The hard stuff hurts.

Life tends to bring along those moments when we must choose.

There isn’t any way around it. Someone or something intrudes into your dream or boundaries. Something important is at stake. The life or death of it depends on whether you stay and fight or run and flee. Maybe it’s your family, a child, a dream, or a way of life. Maybe it’s your calling or vocation. Perhaps it is fighting injustice or standing up for what or who is right. Whatever it is, you will have to choose.

Either way, everything hangs in the balance.

I’ll give you 3 examples from my life. Perhaps you can relate.

First of all, my husband and I started a new church back in 1994. We were young. We were inexperienced and truthfully didn’t have a clue as to what we had joined up for. We were still trying to figure out who we were at the tender age of 24. We had seen great success stories and figured we could pull off something just like those. It took 7 years to reach the goal of 100 people. It took even longer to acquire our own facility. We worked hard. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of hard work and sacrifice. We barely survived on the meager salary.

About the third or fourth year in, I was done. We had faced apparent failure on many levels. I wanted to quit so badly! My husband? Oh, yes, I know he did. But, we didn’t leave that congregation until 2008. He would pacify me by telling me to just give him until May. If things didn’t turn around by May, we would think about going somewhere else. Well, he knew that once winter was over in Iowa, things always look better at some level, come May. I figured him out, finally, about the third year of being told that. I’m slow.

Second story. In 2008, our family moved to Virginia to our second congregation. This seemed as if our dreams were answered in one fell swoop. Not long after moving here, it seemed as if we had stepped into a nightmare. This was a very different hard than our Iowa challenge. We faced intense obstacles, setbacks, reversals, personal attacks, rejection, strife, and twisted plots. The personal and professional price has been high. This church was in deep crisis and they weren’t in the mood to be helped. So many times I could have been packing boxes on a moment’s notice. All my husband needed to do was give me the word. I was more than done!

Final story. The first three years in Virginia seemed like they were from hell. We took a huge financial hit when the real estate bubble burst and we needed to sell our house and move to Virginia. Then, my son came to us and told us he had been sexually abused for three years by an authority figure. Then, my other child was diagnosed with a serious medical condition after months of intense, unexplained pain and slow debilitation. Then, my father passed away after battling Alzheimers for 13 years. This all happened within the first three years after moving to Virginia. There were moments during those very difficult years I began to question the presence of God in my life. I wasn’t so sure He could be trusted.

Here’s the deal.

At any given point in my life, I desperately wanted to throw in the towel. The pain felt greater than the reward. And, yes, there have been some serious sacrifices made that only God will be able to make right. But, we didn’t quit. There were no magic formulas or bribes to hold us steady. The only promise we had to go on was God would see us through. It might be painful, it might look ugly, but we would make it if we just didn’t quit. “Those who quit remember the ordeal. Those who endure remember the adventure.” That has become a life value of sorts.

There are many giftings we don’t possess. There are quite a few things we do well; there have been many mistakes along the way, too. But one thing which doesn’t require talent or gifting is something we do have—“outlast-attude”. We can outlast just about anything.

You have to dig deep. You have to stare your giant in the face and stare it down. It’s not easy. But, find the grit and the depth of character to outlast anything life throws your way. Needless to say, I’m thankful my Honey had enough hutzpah for the both of us!

Your whole life and legacy depend on it. Everyone who follows after you, depend on it. It’s not just about you anyway. It never has been.

Fits and Starts

June 8, 2015June 7, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

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Life comes in seasons.

Dreams and their fulfilling often come in fits and starts.

It feels like taking two steps forward and one step backward.

Sometimes, it might even feel as if nothing is happening at all.

Or, maybe it even feels like your dreams are unraveling before your eyes.

I continue to come across this quote,

“Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.”

I like it.

I’ve often found this to be true in my life.

Maybe the waiting and wanting isn’t the problem.

Maybe that’s all part of the plan.

Sometimes, I get this picture in my mind of God sitting and watching and chuckling. Maybe He even looks at us and gives a wink. He watches us, you know. He didn’t just throw us out and leaving us flailing and falling, hoping we would find our wings and catch the wind. No, He is much more benevolent and kind. I imagine He must wonder at times why we take so long. Circling the same mountain over and over and over again. All the while, He is ready to reveal something super amazing!

We have to get out of our heads and out of the way.

So, on this, maybe I finally have.

My season of focusing solely on my family is slightly shifting. Nothing extreme or world shattering. Just a slight shift. Ever subtle, but it is enough to teach me something. For a while, I realized I didn’t have any dreams. Maybe life or crises or anxiety or depression does that. But, I found myself in that place. I found it nearly debilitating. It made me freeze in fear. How can I not have a dream?

I’m an “all in” kind of person. If I do something, it requires me to be all in. 100% full throttle in. So, that is how I mother and support my husband. A husband, three kids and a dog. Big life changes came with our firstborn stepping into college. So many things to keep up with and love and do. Thinking up a dream wasn’t really on the “To Do List”.

But, all the while I knew God had something for me to do in addition to my love of home. I kept circling and circling the mountain of purpose. It just led to discontent and sadness. It came in cycles and started coming with more and more frequency. It was just enough to unnerve and unsettle me and knock me from a place of contentment.

It’s cool how these moments force you to make the next step. It is almost like walking up a staircase…with the constant bumping into the step above you, but never able to rise up to it.

This is where I had found myself in the last couple of years.

But, life and dreams work slowly.

It isn’t a fast journey.

It takes collecting experiences and learning what is needed.

It is stopping and starting.

It is waiting and walking.

It is leaning in and pushing away.

And, if you are wrapped up in Christ, He is right in the middle of it all. Right there.

Watching and speaking.

Calling and loving.

Gently coaxing, and calmly pulling us back.

It all feels frustrating at times and even discouraging if we are honest.

The fits and starts and the collecting of experience—painful and beautiful alike.

It all serves to bring us to the place we need to be.

Slowly by slowly, the edges soften and light begins to shine through. Maybe not much at first. Perhaps, so faint you are afraid it will disappear if you turn away. But, oh, how journeying through the desert and circling the mountain teaches you so much!

I’ve learned a good deal about myself in all of this.

I’ve collected memories and thoughts and, most of all, some wisdom along the way. So, here I am. Seeing a very faint but distinct shimmer. I sit and listen quietly, searching and looking for signs and signals, hearing the wind blow and stir. My heart knows. New days and paths are leading me to what lies ahead. My heart knows nothing is wasted or useless. My heart knows its priority and first love. Even when circling a mountain I had grown entirely too familiar with, God was watching…and waiting. He was listening and shaping.

It doesn’t matter how hard you scream for your dream.

If it isn’t time for the dawning of the dream, it isn’t going to happen. God knows you. He knows your dream. He knows His dream for you. You are far too important to prematurely birth your dream. And besides, the birthing in and of itself is a long process. From the first glimpse of shimmer to full blown reality is often longer still.

But, keep this in mind. It. Is. Coming.

So, journey around the mountain. Listen and call. Watch and seek. Learn and release. And, wait. But, just do something to prepare for your dream. Waiting doesn’t mean being idle. Waiting is work. Wait and seek. Only He knows the real outcome for your dream.

I’m sure I will circle more mountains on my way. One dream is maybe not enough for my one, magnificent life. Here, though, is the lesson I am learning on the way.

I am doing great things with my life…even now. I may not be notable or noteworthy, but I am doing what I should be doing. And, as the time comes I will be ready to step into the dreams I am now dreaming. It’s time for me to dream. I think I’m getting it…and I think He is chuckling.

What’s In The Cup?

May 11, 2015May 3, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

In a worship service recently, we sang the worship song “Your Presence Is Heaven” by Israel Houghton. I’m sure you are already familiar with it, but just in case you aren’t, here are the lyrics.

Who is like You Lord in all the earth?
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world can satisfy
‘Cause Jesus You’re the cup that won’t run dry

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me

Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness you are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come

All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world can satisfy
‘Cause Jesus You’re the cup that won’t run dry

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus
Your presence is heaven to me
Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus
Your presence is heaven to me

I’ve sung this song before and it always makes an impact on me. This particular time was no different. But, this line I have sung so many times, really struck my heart on this particular day.

‘Cause Jesus you’re the cup that won’t run dry.

I think I came to understand something in a new way.

Jesus never runs out of the answers, strength, provision, wisdom, help, protection, or love….and the list goes on and on….I desperately need!!

Whatever I need, He is!

There it is, plain and simple.

And He NEVER, EVER stops being what I need! His supply is endless. He is endless. It just never runs out! My supplies and resources always run low or run down. But, He has everything I need, when I need it. Furthermore, He knows what I will need before I am even aware I need it. How amazing is that?

As I stare down a new phase of our story, and feel the full weight of the pain and ugliness, my heart is heavy.

I’m not up for more pain, more hurt, more anxiety, or more injustice by misguided people.

I don’t want to live out the big fear made reality.

I said this to God in worship that day. Wearied by just the thought. I’m just not up for it. This fear and anxiety and always looking over my shoulder. The fear of your child having to relive the pain or face down the ugly once again. I have enjoyed my hard won peace. We have fought for and found our peace.

But, God helped me understand He has everything I need to handle the story with grace and peace.

HE is EVERYTHING I need for this leg of the journey.

We won’t fight this part of the battle with old, decayed supply. It is brand new supply from here on out. He has taught me new wisdom and has strengthened me through old battles, which has prepared me for the new battles to come.

Unlike our earthly supply, He won’t grow stale, run down, or run out.

I can rest in Him, without ceasing, and He will NEVER, EVER fail me.

Furthermore, He saw this coming and is fully prepared to lead us all the way home. What a relief and peace that comes from this knowing. He knows my future days to come. He knew this was the future day to come. He knew the weaknesses I would feel and will be merciful to me. He is sufficient supply for whatever I am not.

It stirs my heart encountering the personalized experiences God uses to speak big and powerful messages to me. He knows the grief and the pain that come surging to the surface in a split moment. One text can change things. One email can shatter calm. But, God knows—He isn’t surprised. He is unending.

Life is often unpredictable.

But God is not. Many times we are left scratching our heads, searching for answers. But God does not.

I will rest in the knowing. I will rest in the peace only He gives. I will not look into an empty cup. For it does not exist. He is my cup that NEVER, EVER runs dry.

I am wondering.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation which requires something you do not possess on your own?

I would love to hear your comments (post below). We can learn from each other.

Hope is stirred when a heart has found what it needs…sometimes we need to hear from someone else’s point of triumph or learn from their sting of adversity!

All Shall Pass

March 19, 2015March 18, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

Our life is full.

Seasons come and seasons go.

This season is very full….of beauty.

I’ve had seasons that I felt looked nothing like this. I failed to notice the exquisite beauty.

I’ve spent enough days frenetically tending to my littles. Many long days and nights filled with much one-on-one with my babies. That season felt very isolating. At times, my heart and brain fought and struggled against the craziness that is mothering babies, toddlers and preschoolers. I didn’t always readily recognize the beauty of those moments.

I’ve had struggling seasons full of angst as to what my purpose is in this life. Mothering, yes. Loving my man, yes. I knew there was more. Not better, just more. Not as much living in the moment, but struggling and wrestling with life. Some seasons are like that. It seems that insecurity and feelings of inadequacy are often at the heart of striving and struggling. Who am I really in Christ? So tightly wound up in the angst, I failed to appreciate all the beauty to be found here.

But, one thing I am learning is the art of soaking in the moment.

This just might be the cure for the struggle. We may never pass this way again. So, I will look at moments and turn them into memories. Time is fleeting and life is changing. Sometimes in the middle of pain and the Shadowlands, it seems as if the pain and dark will always accompany us throughout this life. But, this too shall pass. Even here, there is so much beauty waiting to be noticed.

Seasons.

Back in the Shadowlands, I use to wonder if we’d ever be able to laugh again. There was so much ugly. How was I ever going to be able to look back at pictures of my babies and not grieve and ache for what should have been or what was? For so long I could not pull out albums and look through the memories. I felt robbed. I couldn’t scale the divide of before….and after. A divide that is definitely there. Maybe it will never go away. But, the pain of that season is turning to more of a scar, and so, I can take glimpses and survive. I am learning to trust the beauty I find.

In this new season, I am learning so much.

This learning is fun.

I’m learning to take the moments and turn them into beautiful memories.

I look at my Loves and know time is passing and each moment is beautiful. No, the moments aren’t always as full of grace and joy as they should or could be. Sometimes, I get frustrated and irritated when things don’t turn out like I want. We run crazy with little margin and meet somewhere in the middle. We disappoint and turn mole hills into mountains.

We forgive and love fiercely.

We show up and cheer each other on.

We open our hearts and listen.

So much is right. So much is beautiful.

We don’t usually travel far for Spring Break. Usually it is the unsung holiday. But, this year was different. Oh, the memories we have made and the futures we have dreamed about!

Time is passing. I see it.

Who knew all the life we would live in these years? So much more is hoped for. So much beauty is to come.

But, we have to be willing to notice it.

How long does it take before we realize our lives are already full? How long before we realize beauty lies even in the cracked and messy days, or years? If we don’t notice it now, it will slip silently away, lost for the ages. If we don’t notice it now, how will we know it when we see it later?

It takes stopping and looking and breathing.

My, the crazy days leave us breathless and tired. We slump and sling and harden our hearts. We can’t even hear the whisper of the call of beauty.

We must mark it. Make an altar of it. See it for what it is.

This beauty given us by God….this holy place that points us to Him.

So, to the ones who are seeking fuller and brighter seasons, they are coming. To those in the messy and crazy season, find the joy and beauty that is staring you in the face. The beauty can be exquisite if you look for it.

It’s there.

Sometimes it is wrapped in the most unlikely tapestry.

Amberly reynolds

sweet sage lane

life