No Weak-Kneed Parenting

June 30, 2015June 29, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

Good parenting is a lot like this tree.

This tree is The Founders Tree in Landa Park, in New Braunfels, Texas. I grew up with this tree. This beautiful statue of strength dates back to around 1700. That tree has weathered a lot of storms and droughts! This old Live Oak is considered an Indian Marker Tree—a tree that was tied sideways in order to point to a favorable water source. The Founders Tree is thought of as the mightiest tree in Texas. Actually, this scenic park is full of many beautiful trees. Your just not a self-respecting park if you don’t have beautiful, magnificent trees!

I was mesmerized by this tree growing up. It sparked my imagination and wonderings. In some ways it felt sacred. What had this tree witnessed or who first saw this tree? Maybe travelers had found shade and rest by this tree. Its size and age alone inspired awe. I knew of no other tree like this one.

You may think I have lost it. You aren’t really seeing the connection between a tree and parenting. I think there is.

Parenting is not for cowards!

This tree is strong and resilient. It wasn’t blown away by some gust of wind. When we parent, we must be just like this tree—strong and resilient. Our kids are gonna wear us down. You may feel like you have been chewed up and spit out before the first bowl of cereal is poured and the first cartoon is played! Or, maybe they are older and know just the right buttons to push.

My least favorite thing is to be greeted at first light of the morning with a sibling squabble or a grumpy kid. It can set my day off wrong before my feet ever hit the floor. But, I have to remember my purpose. My purpose is to parent them and set the tone. It takes personal strength and hutzpah!

They need us to be strong. They need to be able to count on us to set strong, protective boundaries. They may not be your friend, but that’s ok. They need a parent more than a friend.

Parenting is an endurance race!

This tree has been here a really long time! Really–1700. It didn’t let the all-too-familiar droughts shrivel it up. It has weathered storms that have rolled through. If you just look at this tree, you see the shape and contour. It has an incredible root system and is near a water source. Both of these qualities have helped this beautiful tree stand through the generations. This is a perfect analogy for parenting. Your root system needs to be wide and deep and you need to know your source. Where are you getting your strength and depth of character? Who are you relying on to lead you as you parent? The internet? The latest parenting craze? The internet has been a great source of much needed information for me. Got an issue? Read a book, search the Web! But, really I just have to rely on what God has to say to me about my situation. It’s amazing how much He actually has to say to us. What do I want my children to be like as the grow? I need to look deep within myself and see what is in me. This is the best way to work out this endurance race. Some days feel like a sprint, but realize you are parenting for the marathon.

Parenting is sacred!

God has hand picked you for your children. These children don’t need some other mother or father. They need you. You have what it takes to raise them just as they should be. I’ve always taken mothering incredibly seriously. God has entrusted these children to us to ultimately lead to Him. That is the primary goal. How we parent matters. Our children will learn how to see God through how we live. Their first impressions of God come from us. It matters! We teach them how to live life. We aren’t perfect and that’s okay. We say to our kids, “Follow me, as I follow God!” When we mess up, they can have a front row seat to God’s grace in your life. They probably won’t understand it all now, but later they will look back and see clearly.

Our kids look to us. Will we inspire them? We can’t leave it to the world to lead them. It doesn’t take a village to raise your child. It takes you! Yes, we have those around us who contribute to their lives, but we are the primary source of inspiration and guidance. You may say, “Wow! No pressure, there!” We don’t have to do it alone, though.

On many occasions I have prayed about specific parenting issues I have had with each of my kids. I need God to lead us in parenting these humans in a way He wants them parented. No. I have to have His help. They have a purpose to fulfill–He knows better what they need than we do.

We need to love and nurture and provide support and shade. The generations to follow depend on you. What do you want your legacy to be? What goals do you have for your parenting? What do you need to adjust in order for the next generations to have a lasting legacy to look to?

Do I Have To?

June 15, 2015June 14, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

I have experience.

Lots of it. Some of it has come with kicking and screaming, but I have experience, nonetheless. “What experience?” you may ask.

Well, it is …..

stick-to-it-ativeness.

Yeah. It’s not as beautiful as it sounds. Trust me. Everyone has one of two tendencies. That is to fight or flee. And, actually, I am by nature a flee-er. Many times the option of “flight” seems pretty alright to me. So, honestly, I don’t come by this naturally.

But, I am married to….you guessed it! A fighter.

No, not a fighter, as in, he can’t get along with people and stirs up conflict. He is the kind that won’t run from a battle. He knows what is needed and will fight to see it happen. He’s not a quitter. His philosophy is, “I may not be smarter or more talented than others, but I can certainly outlast anybody!” Um, clearly, this has made for some great fun over the years.

I like comfort. I don’t like to go through the stretching and retching part of life. I like for everyone to like me. I want no hardships and certainly no sacrificing. I want dreams and projects to flow smoothly. I really don’t want conflict, hate it in fact. I certainly don’t want to be judged or misjudged. I like for the tasks I set my hand to to flow without hiccups or roadblocks of any sort. I want everyone to agree with me and my opinions. And, I certainly do NOT need or want rejection.

It hurts. The hard stuff hurts.

Life tends to bring along those moments when we must choose.

There isn’t any way around it. Someone or something intrudes into your dream or boundaries. Something important is at stake. The life or death of it depends on whether you stay and fight or run and flee. Maybe it’s your family, a child, a dream, or a way of life. Maybe it’s your calling or vocation. Perhaps it is fighting injustice or standing up for what or who is right. Whatever it is, you will have to choose.

Either way, everything hangs in the balance.

I’ll give you 3 examples from my life. Perhaps you can relate.

First of all, my husband and I started a new church back in 1994. We were young. We were inexperienced and truthfully didn’t have a clue as to what we had joined up for. We were still trying to figure out who we were at the tender age of 24. We had seen great success stories and figured we could pull off something just like those. It took 7 years to reach the goal of 100 people. It took even longer to acquire our own facility. We worked hard. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of hard work and sacrifice. We barely survived on the meager salary.

About the third or fourth year in, I was done. We had faced apparent failure on many levels. I wanted to quit so badly! My husband? Oh, yes, I know he did. But, we didn’t leave that congregation until 2008. He would pacify me by telling me to just give him until May. If things didn’t turn around by May, we would think about going somewhere else. Well, he knew that once winter was over in Iowa, things always look better at some level, come May. I figured him out, finally, about the third year of being told that. I’m slow.

Second story. In 2008, our family moved to Virginia to our second congregation. This seemed as if our dreams were answered in one fell swoop. Not long after moving here, it seemed as if we had stepped into a nightmare. This was a very different hard than our Iowa challenge. We faced intense obstacles, setbacks, reversals, personal attacks, rejection, strife, and twisted plots. The personal and professional price has been high. This church was in deep crisis and they weren’t in the mood to be helped. So many times I could have been packing boxes on a moment’s notice. All my husband needed to do was give me the word. I was more than done!

Final story. The first three years in Virginia seemed like they were from hell. We took a huge financial hit when the real estate bubble burst and we needed to sell our house and move to Virginia. Then, my son came to us and told us he had been sexually abused for three years by an authority figure. Then, my other child was diagnosed with a serious medical condition after months of intense, unexplained pain and slow debilitation. Then, my father passed away after battling Alzheimers for 13 years. This all happened within the first three years after moving to Virginia. There were moments during those very difficult years I began to question the presence of God in my life. I wasn’t so sure He could be trusted.

Here’s the deal.

At any given point in my life, I desperately wanted to throw in the towel. The pain felt greater than the reward. And, yes, there have been some serious sacrifices made that only God will be able to make right. But, we didn’t quit. There were no magic formulas or bribes to hold us steady. The only promise we had to go on was God would see us through. It might be painful, it might look ugly, but we would make it if we just didn’t quit. “Those who quit remember the ordeal. Those who endure remember the adventure.” That has become a life value of sorts.

There are many giftings we don’t possess. There are quite a few things we do well; there have been many mistakes along the way, too. But one thing which doesn’t require talent or gifting is something we do have—“outlast-attude”. We can outlast just about anything.

You have to dig deep. You have to stare your giant in the face and stare it down. It’s not easy. But, find the grit and the depth of character to outlast anything life throws your way. Needless to say, I’m thankful my Honey had enough hutzpah for the both of us!

Your whole life and legacy depend on it. Everyone who follows after you, depend on it. It’s not just about you anyway. It never has been.

What In The World Am I Doing?

April 8, 2015April 7, 2015 / morgancreynolds / Leave a comment

My dad loved the outdoors.

But not just any place outdoors. He loved working in his yard. And, he had the gift! He knew what he was doing. My daddy had a good eye and the green thumb touch. It was so beautiful, I had my engagement pictures taken in our backyard….it was as beautiful as any park.

He knew exactly what it needed and when. He fertilized, watered and trimmed religiously. This yard was sculpted into a tropical oasis.

I’ll never forget, however, the work my brother and I were recruited to do one spring Saturday. Before the grass ever went in, we were on rock and pebble duty. Now, before you think “how hard can that be?”, let me tell you we lived in the hill country of Texas. A sledge hammer was used to set fence post holes due to the rocky terrain. Yeah.

So, imagine millions and millions of rocks and pebbles littering this painfully bare plot of ground. Ok, well, maybe not millions.

As a 12 year old, I’m pretty sure it felt like a quarry!!

But, these pesky rocks had to go to make way for beautiful green grass. In order for the grass roots to, well, take root and thrive, the land had to be prepped. #Loads.Of.Fun. I’m sure he said it built character…….along with driving the green Ford station wagon as my first car. That was my daddy.

Character.

It doesn’t seem we hear that word very much anymore. On any given day I can find an article on Facebook about parenting for good self-esteem; or how about parenting for great intelligence. Maybe, parenting towards tolerance and inclusiveness is the key. Maybe it’s parenting to sensitivity and emotional wholeness and generosity. It certainly does run the spectrum. We can take a look at society as a whole and realize some parenting may be going in the right direction, yet so much is not.

Character seems to be an old-school word.

But, part of giving our Loves roots is shaping their nature into strong, moral beings.

There is accountability and courage to do the right thing—even in a world gone mad.

Character is doing the right thing even when you may not benefit or nobody may ever know otherwise.

Character is looking out for others—being aware of the other person’s feelings.

Character is working hard and serving one another–regardless of how big or small the task or person.

Forgiving and holding your tongue, even when it would certainly be easier to set everyone straight….that should set the standard.

Generosity and graciousness should guide decisions in a world that applauds grabbing all you can get.

Our children must know there is a code of right and wrong. They need a moral compass.

How about respect for human life? Or, maybe simply being respectful.

It may mean taking responsibility for a poor decision without placing blame or running the bus over other people.

Roots.

They provide the moral compass and the centering force for all we do or don’t do.

Imagine the chaos in even the very littlest of our littles when the root system is not cultivated. They feel most secure when clear boundaries are in place. Oh, some things are cute when they are an adorable one year old. But, come 13. Yeah, not so cute anymore. There are so many beautiful life lessons we can teach the Loves God has given to us.

So, here are some wise thoughts to make this happen…..straight from Deuteronomy 11:18-21:

Pray for them.

Tell them.

Show them.

We can’t do it alone. Not in this world we live in. We need God to help us. He knows them better than we do! I regularly pray “help me partner with You as I parent.”
We have to teach them and write it on their hearts. Not only when it’s the cute little baby Bible, but when they are strong and the world is fiercely pitching its message.
“Do as I do….not just what I say.” Live it out when it’s hard, even when it would be so much easier to turn and run. They don’t need to see shallow hype.

It is our job to train them, shape them and send them soaring from the nest. This world needs them! The world needs you to pour into them and expect them to step up and be the very best they can be.

Is it all going to go smoothly? Nope. Will we make mistakes? You bet. But, they can learn from that as well. Love and authenticity goes a long way to smoothing out the bumps. Remember, God gave them to you……and you to them.

Love And All Its Glory

February 10, 2015February 9, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

I’ve heard folks say, and I guess some really believe it, if you experience hardship , you aren’t in God’s will. I am confused by this mentality. Never mind that Scripture says, “In this world you will have trouble.” Nobody wants it on a greeting card, but hey….

That brings me to think for a moment of the areas in life that I have had difficulties and obstacles. My children, my family, my church, my friendships, my life, my marriage….they’ve all had, at one point or another, some level of challenge, difficulty, turmoil, chaos, or pain. And I would dare to say, each of them are a part of God’s will for my life. How can someone say that my children or my church or my life is not a part of God’s will? Boggling.

Anyway, in 2008 my husband and I knew God was getting ready to change things up for the Reynolds’ crew. With open hearts and anticipation, we moved from Iowa to Virginia. I look back at a few rare journal entries and feel such sadness for that girl who wrote with such excitement. I want to warn her of all the pain that is about to blow through her life in a matter of months…..for years.

To say we faced challenges is a gross understatement. Wave after wave of loss and turmoil rolled over my family. I was working hard to help the children transition well, but I could feel the strain and the tearing of the fibers in my home and, more specifically, my marriage. I could feel the fabric of our marriage stretching to bare. We were functioning at some level, but we certainly were not thriving. There was a lot at stake so we just kept moving….one foot in front of the other. Hardships come. Opposition rises. And marriages crumble.

……love never gives up. It’s certain….we both had misfires, misunderstandings and unmet expectations. There were hurt hearts and wounded pride. But, we didn’t give up. It was probably the lowest of lows for us. But, we kept on.

……love cares more for others than for self. My husband was the rock we all needed as we wandered in the Shadowlands. He was strong and tended to us and led us as a fearless leader. We gladly followed. It was the aftermath of the abuse that drew us together emotionally as a force to be reckoned with. We rallied as a team and circled our wagon. We worked together to help bring healing to our broken family. Even though we felt weak and vulnerable, we were a team.

…….love always trusts God. My husband always pointed us back to Christ. Even in the hardest hard or darkest dark. Yes, our faith was shaken and all we knew was rocked to the core. But, this man, my love, led us back again and again to Christ. He didn’t have all the answers and didn’t pretend to. But, he knew that God could be trusted….even when it doesn’t make sense and we can’t see His hand. Glenn gave me room to question and even scream and yell. He held my hand and understood when to let me cry. He cried with our boy and grieved for the loss. But, he led us back, over and over, to Christ. “Follow me while I follow Christ.” He didn’t know where it all led, but we would follow Christ.

……love never dies. Goodness. What a statement! Do our dreams die? Do our hopes and expectations die? Do people and marriages die? Yes, yes, and yes. But Christ living in us does not die. Christ living through us does not die. This is our hope! God is love. If we have him living in us, we have his Love living in us. My husband demonstrated love by continuing on with this broken mess. He led us to forgiveness. My sweet love gave sacrificially to help us on our journey to healing. He trusted God’s love even when his own doubts were doubling by the day.

He will cringe at finding out I wrote my blog around him this week. He’s not a self-promoter. Nor does he like my flattery “out there for the whole world to see.” But, then again, those are other traits of love flowing in my man. I could go on and on. But I will end with this. Love isn’t shallow or flighty. It isn’t selfish or easily drawn away. And if you have any experience, you know that some days it fires hotter than others and some days you love because that is what you committed to do.

So, for those taking notes, in this world you will have trouble. Lots of it. And it doesn’t mean you are out of God’s will. But you do walk out of God’s will when you forget to love. If you truly love, you work through it. You work through the bad, the ugly, the broken, the inconvenient, the harsh and the lean times. It’s what you do with the trouble that counts.

If you do it right, you end up with the amazingly beautiful,

the whole, the blessing,

the joyful and the abundant.

Everything can be conquered with love.

Forgiveness…..It Makes Me Sweat

January 19, 2015January 19, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

Forgiveness. The word makes me sweat.

I am an emotional person. I feel things deeply. I take things to heart. My heart gets bruised. And, it’s not just about me. I am madly in love with my husband and children. They are my world. When they hurt, I hurt. When bad things happen to them, it might as well be me! I am very emotive….so much estrogen. Just ask my family. (Think mother bear!)

The biggest lesson of my life came in October 2011. Desperate to end his nightmare, our child spilled his hurt and pain to my husband. We knew this person. We thought she was safe—she wanted to be a youth pastor and we were mentoring her towards that end. We thought we knew and understood her well.

Apparently, we didn’t.

The days that followed were full of rage, pain and complete shock. We navigated the legal system, detectives, and victim advocates in a haze of unbelief. Not unbelief of our child’s story. We never doubted him. Sitting in the detective’s office, trying to answer endless questions, we just couldn’t figure out how we had gotten to this point.

How could someone do this to one of our own and to our family?

I never dreamed, in all my days, I would be sitting

in a courtroom listening to all the graphic details of the abuse.

Who does?

Betrayal of any kind is painful.

At this level, it was hard to breathe. We had done so much to better the life and future of this caregiver; providing opportunities for a future that would not have come anywhere else.

We did receive justice in the legal system. We are grateful. It started the healing process for our boy and for us. We felt heard and understood. Unfortunately, in today’s culture, male victims of female perpetrators many times don’t receive equal justice. But, we did. And that is nothing short of a miracle.

But, see, this is where it gets gritty.

As Christ Followers, we are taught to forgive.

For the longest time I wasn’t in any place to forgive. I needed time and space to process and heal.

And I honestly think God was okay with that. I learned something important.

Everybody moves at their own pace and the journey is cyclical—just like in the grieving process.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT EASY NOR CHEAP.

I have to say, there are some days I don’t feel as if I have forgiven very well. Most days, three years isn’t long enough to pay for the level of trauma, fear and pain he endured. And, if I am really honest (please allow me),

I can’t understand how God could forgive this, much less me.

I know this: If I surrender my deep betrayal and pain to God, and follow His lead, He will walk me through this difficult journey of forgiveness.

I am learning that forgiveness is a journey.

This past week was a perfect example of how much work I have left to do, but how far I have come! It was a milestone in our journey. He knows we are human. We are not perfect in this earthly skin.

I think forgiveness isn’t a one and done type of thing either.

It is a process—a lifelong journey that brings great peace. I imagine I will work the rest of my life to forgive fully and completely as I know Christ does. I know God knows my humanity.

He gives me strength and power to do what I can’t seem to do on my own.

As you can see, it makes the top 10 of the hardest lessons I will learn in life. And I’m still trying to figure it all out. It is a team effort with God leading the way. I’ll follow in His footsteps and I know all will be alright.

What about you? Do you have something that screams for forgiveness but you just don’t know how? Can you give yourself grace knowing God does when you are walking hand in hand….moving in His unhurried rhythms of grace?

My friend, I know it is hard. I hate the cliches.

But, God is jealous for you and is aware of your pain.

Sit and listen for His rhythm of grace.

Amberly reynolds

sweet sage lane

strength