Do I Have To?

June 15, 2015June 14, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 2 Comments

I have experience.

Lots of it. Some of it has come with kicking and screaming, but I have experience, nonetheless. “What experience?” you may ask.

Well, it is …..

stick-to-it-ativeness.

Yeah. It’s not as beautiful as it sounds. Trust me. Everyone has one of two tendencies. That is to fight or flee. And, actually, I am by nature a flee-er. Many times the option of “flight” seems pretty alright to me. So, honestly, I don’t come by this naturally.

But, I am married to….you guessed it! A fighter.

No, not a fighter, as in, he can’t get along with people and stirs up conflict. He is the kind that won’t run from a battle. He knows what is needed and will fight to see it happen. He’s not a quitter. His philosophy is, “I may not be smarter or more talented than others, but I can certainly outlast anybody!” Um, clearly, this has made for some great fun over the years.

I like comfort. I don’t like to go through the stretching and retching part of life. I like for everyone to like me. I want no hardships and certainly no sacrificing. I want dreams and projects to flow smoothly. I really don’t want conflict, hate it in fact. I certainly don’t want to be judged or misjudged. I like for the tasks I set my hand to to flow without hiccups or roadblocks of any sort. I want everyone to agree with me and my opinions. And, I certainly do NOT need or want rejection.

It hurts. The hard stuff hurts.

Life tends to bring along those moments when we must choose.

There isn’t any way around it. Someone or something intrudes into your dream or boundaries. Something important is at stake. The life or death of it depends on whether you stay and fight or run and flee. Maybe it’s your family, a child, a dream, or a way of life. Maybe it’s your calling or vocation. Perhaps it is fighting injustice or standing up for what or who is right. Whatever it is, you will have to choose.

Either way, everything hangs in the balance.

I’ll give you 3 examples from my life. Perhaps you can relate.

First of all, my husband and I started a new church back in 1994. We were young. We were inexperienced and truthfully didn’t have a clue as to what we had joined up for. We were still trying to figure out who we were at the tender age of 24. We had seen great success stories and figured we could pull off something just like those. It took 7 years to reach the goal of 100 people. It took even longer to acquire our own facility. We worked hard. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of hard work and sacrifice. We barely survived on the meager salary.

About the third or fourth year in, I was done. We had faced apparent failure on many levels. I wanted to quit so badly! My husband? Oh, yes, I know he did. But, we didn’t leave that congregation until 2008. He would pacify me by telling me to just give him until May. If things didn’t turn around by May, we would think about going somewhere else. Well, he knew that once winter was over in Iowa, things always look better at some level, come May. I figured him out, finally, about the third year of being told that. I’m slow.

Second story. In 2008, our family moved to Virginia to our second congregation. This seemed as if our dreams were answered in one fell swoop. Not long after moving here, it seemed as if we had stepped into a nightmare. This was a very different hard than our Iowa challenge. We faced intense obstacles, setbacks, reversals, personal attacks, rejection, strife, and twisted plots. The personal and professional price has been high. This church was in deep crisis and they weren’t in the mood to be helped. So many times I could have been packing boxes on a moment’s notice. All my husband needed to do was give me the word. I was more than done!

Final story. The first three years in Virginia seemed like they were from hell. We took a huge financial hit when the real estate bubble burst and we needed to sell our house and move to Virginia. Then, my son came to us and told us he had been sexually abused for three years by an authority figure. Then, my other child was diagnosed with a serious medical condition after months of intense, unexplained pain and slow debilitation. Then, my father passed away after battling Alzheimers for 13 years. This all happened within the first three years after moving to Virginia. There were moments during those very difficult years I began to question the presence of God in my life. I wasn’t so sure He could be trusted.

Here’s the deal.

At any given point in my life, I desperately wanted to throw in the towel. The pain felt greater than the reward. And, yes, there have been some serious sacrifices made that only God will be able to make right. But, we didn’t quit. There were no magic formulas or bribes to hold us steady. The only promise we had to go on was God would see us through. It might be painful, it might look ugly, but we would make it if we just didn’t quit. “Those who quit remember the ordeal. Those who endure remember the adventure.” That has become a life value of sorts.

There are many giftings we don’t possess. There are quite a few things we do well; there have been many mistakes along the way, too. But one thing which doesn’t require talent or gifting is something we do have—“outlast-attude”. We can outlast just about anything.

You have to dig deep. You have to stare your giant in the face and stare it down. It’s not easy. But, find the grit and the depth of character to outlast anything life throws your way. Needless to say, I’m thankful my Honey had enough hutzpah for the both of us!

Your whole life and legacy depend on it. Everyone who follows after you, depend on it. It’s not just about you anyway. It never has been.

Fits and Starts

June 8, 2015June 7, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

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Life comes in seasons.

Dreams and their fulfilling often come in fits and starts.

It feels like taking two steps forward and one step backward.

Sometimes, it might even feel as if nothing is happening at all.

Or, maybe it even feels like your dreams are unraveling before your eyes.

I continue to come across this quote,

“Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.”

I like it.

I’ve often found this to be true in my life.

Maybe the waiting and wanting isn’t the problem.

Maybe that’s all part of the plan.

Sometimes, I get this picture in my mind of God sitting and watching and chuckling. Maybe He even looks at us and gives a wink. He watches us, you know. He didn’t just throw us out and leaving us flailing and falling, hoping we would find our wings and catch the wind. No, He is much more benevolent and kind. I imagine He must wonder at times why we take so long. Circling the same mountain over and over and over again. All the while, He is ready to reveal something super amazing!

We have to get out of our heads and out of the way.

So, on this, maybe I finally have.

My season of focusing solely on my family is slightly shifting. Nothing extreme or world shattering. Just a slight shift. Ever subtle, but it is enough to teach me something. For a while, I realized I didn’t have any dreams. Maybe life or crises or anxiety or depression does that. But, I found myself in that place. I found it nearly debilitating. It made me freeze in fear. How can I not have a dream?

I’m an “all in” kind of person. If I do something, it requires me to be all in. 100% full throttle in. So, that is how I mother and support my husband. A husband, three kids and a dog. Big life changes came with our firstborn stepping into college. So many things to keep up with and love and do. Thinking up a dream wasn’t really on the “To Do List”.

But, all the while I knew God had something for me to do in addition to my love of home. I kept circling and circling the mountain of purpose. It just led to discontent and sadness. It came in cycles and started coming with more and more frequency. It was just enough to unnerve and unsettle me and knock me from a place of contentment.

It’s cool how these moments force you to make the next step. It is almost like walking up a staircase…with the constant bumping into the step above you, but never able to rise up to it.

This is where I had found myself in the last couple of years.

But, life and dreams work slowly.

It isn’t a fast journey.

It takes collecting experiences and learning what is needed.

It is stopping and starting.

It is waiting and walking.

It is leaning in and pushing away.

And, if you are wrapped up in Christ, He is right in the middle of it all. Right there.

Watching and speaking.

Calling and loving.

Gently coaxing, and calmly pulling us back.

It all feels frustrating at times and even discouraging if we are honest.

The fits and starts and the collecting of experience—painful and beautiful alike.

It all serves to bring us to the place we need to be.

Slowly by slowly, the edges soften and light begins to shine through. Maybe not much at first. Perhaps, so faint you are afraid it will disappear if you turn away. But, oh, how journeying through the desert and circling the mountain teaches you so much!

I’ve learned a good deal about myself in all of this.

I’ve collected memories and thoughts and, most of all, some wisdom along the way. So, here I am. Seeing a very faint but distinct shimmer. I sit and listen quietly, searching and looking for signs and signals, hearing the wind blow and stir. My heart knows. New days and paths are leading me to what lies ahead. My heart knows nothing is wasted or useless. My heart knows its priority and first love. Even when circling a mountain I had grown entirely too familiar with, God was watching…and waiting. He was listening and shaping.

It doesn’t matter how hard you scream for your dream.

If it isn’t time for the dawning of the dream, it isn’t going to happen. God knows you. He knows your dream. He knows His dream for you. You are far too important to prematurely birth your dream. And besides, the birthing in and of itself is a long process. From the first glimpse of shimmer to full blown reality is often longer still.

But, keep this in mind. It. Is. Coming.

So, journey around the mountain. Listen and call. Watch and seek. Learn and release. And, wait. But, just do something to prepare for your dream. Waiting doesn’t mean being idle. Waiting is work. Wait and seek. Only He knows the real outcome for your dream.

I’m sure I will circle more mountains on my way. One dream is maybe not enough for my one, magnificent life. Here, though, is the lesson I am learning on the way.

I am doing great things with my life…even now. I may not be notable or noteworthy, but I am doing what I should be doing. And, as the time comes I will be ready to step into the dreams I am now dreaming. It’s time for me to dream. I think I’m getting it…and I think He is chuckling.

Stop Hatin’!

April 20, 2015April 19, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 1 Comment

Try as I might, I just can’t seem to get it right.

I read something today. It made me think.

Oh, I’ve heard it a bajillion times before. Today, though, it came on the heels of a conversation my sweet friend and I had last weekend. I thought I knew it well. But today I realized I needed to see it from another view—a whole new angle.

We have been created in the image of our Creator. We have been made in His likeness.

In I Corinthians 3:16, it states we are the image of God and His Spirit dwells in us. Furthermore, we should not vandalize and abuse this temple. In my self-righteousness, I often give myself a big thumbs up on this one. Clearly, I have this one down. I take care of myself—body, mind and spirit…not doing the obvious no-no’s. You know, those things the Church has labeled as “not good for me” or “not temple honoring.” Whew! I’ve gotten this one thing right.

But, today. As I was reading that verse in my new book, it slapped me in the face—and heart.

I’m not. I’m not REALLY getting this right.

I beat my self up every day.

Yes. My soul and spirit and mind take a good hard beating. I wouldn’t let anyone speak to my friends this way. Yet, I bet many do that to themselves just like I do.

If you continue reading in Corinthians, we also see God is not too impressed with this world’s wisdom and standards by which it measures things. To Him it is foolish and stupid. He sees through it all.

In fact, it says, “He sees through the smoke-screens of the know-it-alls.” Hmmm. I’m feeling as if that pretty much sums it up in regard to today’s standards, “heroes”, and measurements of success.

So. Perhaps you are already a step ahead of me!

Why then, would we ever want to measure our success or failure or beauty by the standard this world has set up as

THE

standard.

Back to the conversation last weekend.

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and, honestly, don’t like what I see. I wish some things were different. My body, personality, my flaws….you name it. Or how about when I look through the lens of social media.

“She is doing what I want; she’s just done it sooner and better. Look at her accomplishments; I seemed to have misplaced mine.”

You get it, don’t you?

As women, we watch and listen and compare ourselves right up with the celebs and stars and current trends. Or maybe you just look around at those surrounding you. You just compare yourself with your friends and enemies. You clearly know what you don’t like about yourself.

I beat myself up; with every mistake and misstep, I see a giant F!

F is for failure.

If I eat too many carbs or calories, I’m a FAILURE. If I forget to have all the baseball gear ready for game time—FAILURE. If I miss an opportunity to say the right thing at the right time—FAILURE. If I can’t figure out how to be in two places at once—you got it–F. I’m severely calendar impaired and most birthday cards that have to be mailed….always late. But, hey! They get them, right? You get the picture. F, F, big giant F!

Instead of seeing the beautiful me, inside and outside, I see the annoying and frustrating flaws. The beating and bashing continues.

Can you relate?

So, my point to my friend was, perhaps we have something another person is praying for.

Maybe someone passing me in the mall, watching on Facebook, or down the street sees me and my life and all that I do right, and wishes some of this was hers. Just maybe? Because, I know we all do it. (And because we certainly don’t show the messy parts and neither do other people).

Other people see the beauty we don’t see.

The words from I Corinthians say it even better!

The Spirit of God lives in us and we were created by God in the first place. That is enough!

Enough is enough.

What more can be added or taken away?

If we can see ourselves as complete in Him, perhaps we can move past our faults and embrace the beautiful us. The God of the universe looks upon us, dwells in us, and says we are good. We are the image of God!

Why would that ever NOT be enough?

What are we saying when we hate on ourselves? What are we saying when we say we aren’t enough?

Not good enough.

Not smart enough.

Not deserving enough.

Not together enough.

Just. Never. Enough.

We are saying the Creator isn’t enough.

I pray we see this verse for what it is. It is a beautiful love note.

As our cultural standards tell us we are not enough, we are reminded we are.

Because of Him…..nothing we have done….but, because of Whose we are, we are enough!

Step up to that mirror and shut off the media. Remind yourself you are created by the Creator Extraordinaire and He calls you enough!

Perfect My Enemy

March 9, 2015March 8, 2015 / morgancreynolds / Leave a comment

Perfectionism. Conjures up a whole range of emotions. Kinda makes you feel anxious and guilty. It’s a hard taskmaster who is never satisfied or pleased. It is the nasty twin of Excellence. Nothing is ever quite good enough to receive that seal of approval. In its wake are half completed or “never out of the gate” goals or dreams. And probably should receive the title of “the mother of procrastination”.

MY SCARY TALE

I walked down the hall and opened the door. I realized I shouldn’t have done that!

I have a 14 year old…a teenage boy. Need I say more? I shook my head and shut the door. I glanced into the game room. Probably shouldn’t have done that either. I should really keep up with these rooms better.

I headed down the stairs. Doesn’t anybody know how to put away the box of cereal and throw out the empty gallon of milk? And, look at these sofa pillows on the floor… The floors. Why can’t people take their shoes off and put the pillows back on the couch after the movie?!? Truthfully, why didn’t I get this cleaned up last night before bed? If I would just stay on top of things, it wouldn’t look like this!

Everybody knows I stay at home and educate my children. What would they think if they saw the house like this? I am such a poor home manager.

And speaking of homeschooling…..I just know my kids are gonna be the ones that aren’t “smarter” than the average kid. For goodness sake, they all have to be so we can prove homeschooling is better! I am failing! They don’t take Latin and we don’t finish all their subjects every day.

Grrrr.

Speaking of deadlines! I guess that bill is gonna be late! Out of the corner of my eye I see the little gift left behind by our adorable four legged baby. Should have trained her better. Oh yeah….that blog post….why didn’t I catch that glaring grammatical error?

Get it together, sister!!

Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Well, that’s my brain stuck on perfectionism.

And, I’m not exaggerating….not by much, anyway. You should live in this head of mine when perfectionism has moved in and has set up housekeeping.

I imagine there are quite a few of you in the same boat.
I was told once that maybe I should try thinking,

“I am okay just the way I am, but I can do better.”

I have learned that comparing myself to others leads to one of two things. One, it leads to pride. I decide I am indeed better than my comparison. Or, two, I conclude that I leave a lot to be desired and fail miserably. Before I know it, I am on my way to a toxic lifestyle. What a slippery slope! From there, my day-to-day life is spent on the merry-go-round of the unachievable.

I can’t imagine perfectionism is very good for the heart and soul, much less the mind. I realized I needed to give myself room to be human. Not only do I carry that for myself, I find I expect it from my crew. My family needs me to conquer this thinking.

One day my sweet song bird told me nothing she does for me is ever good enough.

That hit me between my eyes. It hit me hard.

I didn’t even realize what I was doing to her. Who wants to try anything or help out when they know it will just have to be done again?

Somewhere along the line, I felt my self-worth depended on how well I put my house together or how cute my kids looked or how smart they appeared to be. After all, this is what I do. This is my job. If I am going to do something, I better do it right the first time….with extra effort for good measure! Too much comparison was going on!

I believe excellence is attainable.

I think as Christ followers we should strive to do excellent work. The tricky part is when the shift happens.

Excellence shifts over to perfectionism and our self-worth soon becomes based on our performance. And, not only does it damage our own spirit, but it is toxic to those we lead or do life with.

No one can really achieve perfection and still keep margin and peace. What relationships are damaged and what hearts, beside our own, are we stomping to death? We beat ourselves up and our loved ones get caught in the fight.

What can I do today to kick perfectionism in the teeth?

Be aware of the comparison trap. What circumstances, stressors or frustrations make me more vulnerable to comparison?
Be aware of the control trap. Insecurity begs for control. Relinquishing control can be freeing. Life can be beautiful, even if I’m not in charge!
Be aware of the mind chatter. I would never let someone talk to my friends or family like I talk to myself. I deserve grace, too. And in large doses!

Grace is a wonderful healer of wounds.

Whose standard am you striving to live up to? Who are you trying to copy? What negative messages are tearing you down? And what arbitrary deadline are you living under…..thinking if you don’t get this task done today and to this highest standard, you will be marked as the failure of all.

Perfectionism is a harsh taskmaster. Please give me grace!

Courage, Dear Heart

February 23, 2015February 22, 2015 / morgancreynolds / Leave a comment

“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

Why is it that after all I know, I still doubt?

Where do I think He is going to lead me?

What about the time I trusted completely and the wheels came all the way off the bus, landed in the ditch…..and, the bus blew up!?!

Why do I forget who He is and how much He loves me and mine?

My heart screams foul.

Instead of first remembering all the glories and grace, I turn and stare at the cracked and raised scars. I think of what put them there. I remember the pain and the emotion of the broken and disillusioned reality.

So quick to forget.

What causes this short term memory gap? Is it fear that causes the impaired vision; or is it the impaired vision that causes the fear? I know it is a human issue. It’s not new to me. Even the wanderers of Israel could never seem to remember the miracles and open hand of God. Maybe you, too?

It is so easy to rehearse the pain of the past; it is lazy at best and ungrateful at worst.

There.

Sometimes we need to be direct and truthful with ourselves.

Tell ourselves to snap out of it—get back to focusing on the good. What of this living by the spirit of fear? How much better would it be to live with power, love and a sound mind?

Interesting how “sound mind” is lumped right in there. It seems fear has a way of causing us to lose our minds. Without clarity, we don’t process and interpret life or situations effectively or wisely. When we don’t work from a sound mind, we lose self-discipline and good judgment. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. But, for whatever reason, I can pick up and move on over and slide in right next to fear.

What do I think fear is really going to do for me? It is a harsh taskmaster. Fear ties a noose around my neck and leads me down dark and unsafe paths. My judgment is clouded and I am not able to hear clearly what God just might say to me. Fear is relentless and tiring and leaves me frazzled, lying in a heap.

I have to shake my head. God did not think highly of the wanderers when they did the same thing. Oh, He loved them immeasurably! But He grew tired of their faithlessness and their inability to just remember! In fact, He saw them as ungrateful and difficult. I really don’t want God to look at me in the same light.

Our scars are left behind as a reminder that God’s grace is sufficient and our strength is made stronger in our weakest moments.

God’s grace goes where no human hand can. The world is a rough and tumble place with countless potential land mines. Fear points out everything that could possibly go wrong; grace reminds us He never leaves us or forsakes us.

If we are so quick to remember the messes and disasters, why can’t we just as easily remember He has an awesome plan for us—one that is full of blessing, hope and better tomorrows?

Maybe the best place to start is with gratitude.

It seems to always come right back to that. Doesn’t it? A daily remembering of all the lovely graces which fill our days from beginning to end. It takes a purposefulness and strength to look beyond the hard edges. It takes focusing on the abundance in the simplicity. Oh my goodness! The whole of our minds shift and light dazzles the gray. Why wouldn’t we want this?

Gratitude and grace aren’t gold pavers lining the street and smoothing out bumps and potholes. They serve to lift our focus from the mess to the savior in the mess. We see He is for us. This sin of Adam is the problem; not God. He has never left our side. And, He can clearly see us all the way home.

So, what do I have to fear?

What do I have to be afraid of?

No scheme of man can ever take me out of His hand! (And you know some try awfully hard!) Circumstances or events may not look how we imagined or the horizon may be asking more questions than giving answers. The answers don’t often come before we strike out on the unfamiliar road.

When gratitude and grace emerge, you shift your focus to the one who sees clearly and has walked this way before.

Psalm 32.8 beautifully expresses his heart toward us,

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.”

He watches over me with loving care.

He is not flippant with my life.

When I stay close, He gives me good counsel.

When I stay close, I look at Him, see His heart and know—really know—I need not be afraid for whatever

may come.

Fear has no place.

Fear can’t rule.

This is a huge challenge for me today. How about you? What is so easy for you to forget? What situation needs your radical faith?

Just try it……the air is cleaner up there.

Gratitude = Great Attitude

January 26, 2015January 26, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

Kind of a cheesy title. Sorry about that! But it struck me once again as I sit here and love on my four-legged, furry baby! I’m grateful for Kingsley Rose!

Gratitude is the one guaranteed life changer ….. or at least change how you view it!

This gal’s sole purpose is to love and be loved. She is nothing but a lover! We affectionately refer to her as our PTSD dog. For years, I was set against getting a dog. I certainly didn’t understand the super dog lovers. They were dirty, smelly animals that chewed up things and got into trouble and would probably meet an untimely end like all my childhood dogs. Nope! Not gonna do it. I didn’t get it.

When we were going through our crisis, somehow the stars aligned and my heart was softened. I remember it very clearly. The door of my heart cracked open and my Honey pounced on it like LIFE depended on it! Money was exchanged and before I knew it we were the humans to a very cute, very spunky, very fluffy, very loving, little white dog. I laugh, because God knew what we needed. And sometimes it is the smallest of things that blesses you the most. In her small little package comes more healing and laughter and peace than you might imagine of a little, fluffy dog.

It is from the unlikeliest of places that God brings the greatest of joys. Sometimes the greatest gifts come wrapped in unusual packaging. During that time, I was learning I had to get my eyes off our crisis and refocus my attention on the many things to be thankful for. I wasn’t called to be thankful FOR the pain that rocked my family. But, I was called to be thankful IN the pain.

I took the challenge to keep a running list of gratitude. Whether big or small, it went into my gratitude journal. If you start intentionally looking for the gifts you’ve been given, you will be surprised how many there really are.

Even in the seemingly starkest and most desolate circumstances you might be facing, God reveals his grace.

In the early days of my journaling of the gifts, it was hard. Some days were easier. Some days the page laid blank because I could’t find one single, solitary thing to be thankful for. As I looked back over my list and neared 1,000 reasons to be thankful, the one thing that popped up over and over was…you guessed it! Our sweet, loving, lovable four-legged friend. She soothed our souls and made us belly laugh. She knew when there were tears and she nuzzled up to check on us. And so many times, she just knew WE needed to play with her.

So, you see, it is quite comical.

When we do what seems to be the most impossible thing to do

—like being grateful in the really ugly times—

God has a way of surprising us with the greatest joy!

In order to get the biggest pay off, you have to find the gratitude in the hardest hard. It literally saved my life. It got my attention off of the loss and pain and onto the gifts God had already given in the every day.

I soon realized that the simple-magnificent was right before me.

You too might just save your life, or maybe just your mind, but nonetheless, you can’t lose if you focus on the graces you are given each day. I challenge you to start a running gratitude list for each and every day. I think you will be surprised at what you find. I dare you!

I’d love to hear your gratitude! Please share with me and we can smile together!

PS. If you need further inspiration, I highly recommend this resource. It challenged me and changed my life. http://www.aholyexperience.com/one-thousand-gifts-book/

Forgiveness…..It Makes Me Sweat

January 19, 2015January 19, 2015 / morgancreynolds / 4 Comments

Forgiveness. The word makes me sweat.

I am an emotional person. I feel things deeply. I take things to heart. My heart gets bruised. And, it’s not just about me. I am madly in love with my husband and children. They are my world. When they hurt, I hurt. When bad things happen to them, it might as well be me! I am very emotive….so much estrogen. Just ask my family. (Think mother bear!)

The biggest lesson of my life came in October 2011. Desperate to end his nightmare, our child spilled his hurt and pain to my husband. We knew this person. We thought she was safe—she wanted to be a youth pastor and we were mentoring her towards that end. We thought we knew and understood her well.

Apparently, we didn’t.

The days that followed were full of rage, pain and complete shock. We navigated the legal system, detectives, and victim advocates in a haze of unbelief. Not unbelief of our child’s story. We never doubted him. Sitting in the detective’s office, trying to answer endless questions, we just couldn’t figure out how we had gotten to this point.

How could someone do this to one of our own and to our family?

I never dreamed, in all my days, I would be sitting

in a courtroom listening to all the graphic details of the abuse.

Who does?

Betrayal of any kind is painful.

At this level, it was hard to breathe. We had done so much to better the life and future of this caregiver; providing opportunities for a future that would not have come anywhere else.

We did receive justice in the legal system. We are grateful. It started the healing process for our boy and for us. We felt heard and understood. Unfortunately, in today’s culture, male victims of female perpetrators many times don’t receive equal justice. But, we did. And that is nothing short of a miracle.

But, see, this is where it gets gritty.

As Christ Followers, we are taught to forgive.

For the longest time I wasn’t in any place to forgive. I needed time and space to process and heal.

And I honestly think God was okay with that. I learned something important.

Everybody moves at their own pace and the journey is cyclical—just like in the grieving process.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT EASY NOR CHEAP.

I have to say, there are some days I don’t feel as if I have forgiven very well. Most days, three years isn’t long enough to pay for the level of trauma, fear and pain he endured. And, if I am really honest (please allow me),

I can’t understand how God could forgive this, much less me.

I know this: If I surrender my deep betrayal and pain to God, and follow His lead, He will walk me through this difficult journey of forgiveness.

I am learning that forgiveness is a journey.

This past week was a perfect example of how much work I have left to do, but how far I have come! It was a milestone in our journey. He knows we are human. We are not perfect in this earthly skin.

I think forgiveness isn’t a one and done type of thing either.

It is a process—a lifelong journey that brings great peace. I imagine I will work the rest of my life to forgive fully and completely as I know Christ does. I know God knows my humanity.

He gives me strength and power to do what I can’t seem to do on my own.

As you can see, it makes the top 10 of the hardest lessons I will learn in life. And I’m still trying to figure it all out. It is a team effort with God leading the way. I’ll follow in His footsteps and I know all will be alright.

What about you? Do you have something that screams for forgiveness but you just don’t know how? Can you give yourself grace knowing God does when you are walking hand in hand….moving in His unhurried rhythms of grace?

My friend, I know it is hard. I hate the cliches.

But, God is jealous for you and is aware of your pain.

Sit and listen for His rhythm of grace.

Amberly reynolds

sweet sage lane

grace